Whatsit, fucker

SECOND ANNIVERSARY =)

2010-07-19T20:14:00.000-07:00

Helloooo world!

Okay, i know it's been awhile since Ive updated (That's because I dtched you for tumblr) but well, I just have this emotional attachment to this blog.

Wanted to blog in tumblr, but well, tumblr's for pictures and expressing my views solely. TO ME LAH. And here is HOME, where I type out my angry shits lah this and that.

ANYWAYS.

HAPPY SECOND ANNIVERSARY, LOVE!

ohmyfuck, it's so fast ain't it?

Seriously, it's soooooooooo fast I can't even grasp on it.

Well anyways, Ive been happy for these two years. Happier than Ive ever been before this, Im not being cliche i swear! But, Shaik Em is so wonderful to me. He treats me like the world. Like a princess, and no other man has done that for me.

Please, Ive been treated like shit before. So I have the rights to say Emi treats me like a fucking princess.

Oh okay sorry, not supposed to swear around. Im fasting today. MACAM PAHAM LAH KAN. Iman dah tergugat ni. Okay okay, enough of digression.

Things wth Emi, since he went in NS, have never been better. We've been fighting wayyyyyyyyyyyy lesser now. In fact, we barely fight. And honestly, Ive started to cool my temper. Like, I try not to get angry over petty stuff. I mean, I dont want to waste time being angry at him when i can spend the time being happy with him and enjoying the moment together. And seriously, prolly because of that, we barely fight and we're muchmuch happier now.

Plus, i think because of my 'toning-down', Em has begun to take more control of stuffs. And I like it. I like the way I am under him, I just like everything now. I dont knw how to explain, if you get it, GOOD FOR YOU.

Im actually in school right now, just got fucked by my P.E teacher, and it's not like i give a flying fuck. Im on break, but lesson's starting soon.

And FYI, BT2 sucked shit.

Okay, all in all, I LOVE YOU SHAIK MOHAMAD HELMI.

We can get married now, yknow!

ONE FREAKING LONG POST.

2010-06-20T10:25:00.000-07:00

Im having fucking insomnia.
EVERYTHING'S SO FUCKED UP IN MY SMALL MESSEDUP MIND.

Im so fucking worried, I wish Emi was here to cmfort me in times like these.
Im fucking worried I'll fuck up my exams, which is in a week's time.
I mean, yeah I procrastinate. But compared to the 2 previous June holidays, I've studied the most this June hols. But everything's so difficult now and Im soooo lost. Im like...lost wayyy wayyyyyy behind. And there's no room for me to catch up, because I JUST FUCKING CANT.

I dont want to fail this time round, because that would mean more nagging from mother and accusations that I do not study and that I fool ard/ go out too much will come attacking me before I fucking know it.

FUCK JC LIFE. KNNCCB!

SERIOUSLY. I CANT FUCKING SLEEP!

Secondly, okay. This is not why I cant sleep. But I was just having this convo with Emi on a Sunday morning. I was asking him, what the fuck is wrong with me (Excuse my language, I did not use 'fuck' in the convo with Emi. Im just pissed off abt the previous issue right now) that they prefer talking to or 'caring' about her than me. I mean, there's this human on this earth, he'd talk to her, like MORE THAN 5 LONG SENTENCES. But he'd barely even smile when he sees me outside. I mean, seriously fucker. WHAT THE FUCK?

And there's another one. He'd comment on her statuses, like asking What's wrong and all that bullshit. And ME, NOTHING. Seriously, I swear to god I am not jealous of her or whatever shits. I JUST DONT GET IT. Ive been with Shaik Mohamad Helmi for OVER TWO YEARS NOW.

I dont get why they just cant get along with me. I mean, if I am THAT bad, then why'd Emi's other friends can get along so fucking well with me? I am not that difficult to be friends with, I really dont get why. What, you think I am not good enough for your friend? Hell yeah, I used to think that way when you guys reacted the way yall did initially. But I thought back and I thought, if I am not a good girlfriend, one who mistreats Emi, one who doesnt give shit about Emi, one who doesnt know how to capture his heart and jaga hati die, one who doesnt know how take good care of Emi, one who doesnt know how to be a good friend and a good listening ear, HE WOULD HAVE FUCKING LEFT ME LIKE HE DID HER. I am sorry, this is not personal to any females. I have nothing against any of the females. Just these fucked up people, Im trying to make a point you see.

Okay, yes. I am temperamental. But that's all you can see about me? And softness is all you can see on her? Fuck, you dont even try to get to know me. I am temperamental but I love Emi with all my heart. I'd do just anything to see him happy. I'd get him whatever he wants. I can and would scold him vulgarities, but then I'd make it up. I'd still call him. You're his friends and initially I just wanted to get to know you guys closer and be buddies. But I dont see that happening ever. So after awhile, I gave up and guess what? FUCK YOU.

Emi knows how I feel, we talked about it. I tried not to over-analyse everything or misunderstand anything. But it's crystal clear how you feel about me and about her. And I told Emi this morning 'When a girl marries a guy, she marries both his family and friends.' So that was what I was trying to do in the beginning, to make ALL of you happy. So Emi told me 'But what matters most, ME or THEM?'

And so I said 'YOU.'
And he said 'Then it doesnt matter what they think. Because one day they've got to accept the fact that I want to be with you forever, not anyone else.'

He knows how to comfort me. He knows all the right words. Call it sweet-talking all you want, atleast it's comforting to me.

SO SERIOUSLY, FUCK THOSE YANG TERASE. Because if you TERASE, then this issue should be about you. This matter will be closed right here, right now. If I can, I would not hesitate to ask you right smack in the face. But yeah, it'll be awkward, wouldnt it? Because you're Emi's friends...so.. hahaha. I dont wish to involve Emi. =)

If you'd want to know, Shaik Mohamad Helmi is the direct opposite of me.
DIRECT OPPOSITE.

I dont find his jokes funny, I find them annoying actually. But I'd laugh along (sincerely), idk why. He doesnt understand my own little world of humor, he dosnt understand half the time why Im laughing. So, I'd be laughing on my own. But at the end of the day, he'll laugh because he remembered me laughing about nothing funny.

I am LOUD. When I say loud, I mean in public. Emi is NOT loud in public. I can do anything embarrassing because this is my motto : They only see us ONCE in their whole lifetime. Hahahaha. When I laugh out super loud in the cinema and no one else is laughing (inclusive of Emi), he'd put his hand over my mouth to shut me up. I hate it when people shush me, but I like it when he does that. So problem is, it makes me laugh even harder.

I am fucking temperamental and Emi is my calm sea water. Usually, his calmness and his silence when Im angry makes me even madder. But his calmness is also the reason I can think.

He lovesss MANCHESTER UNITED and I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT. What more can I say?

I want to migrate out of Singapore if we ever get married. But he refuses to budge out of Singapore. 'THIS IS HOME', he says. GOD. How can I even stand that?

When we got his enlistment letter, we found out he got into army. He was fucking depressed, while I almost jumped for joy. I was smiling widely. I want him to be in army, he thinks army is hell-hole.

He doesnt even know the lyrics to 'My Baby You' by Marc Anthony. How is that even possible??

I dragged him to watch When In Rome with me, and he dragged me to watch Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief.

We are soooo goddamn different, but we're alike in soooo many ways.
And these differences just make us close. It's all about giving and taking.

Okay, after this one long freaking post, my insomnia spell is washing off.
Why do I talk sooo much about Emi btw? Do you want to know why?

Because I miss him, I truly miss him every second and he refuses to leave my mind.
Im always stuck with thinking about him, I can talk about him ALL DAY LONG EVERYDAY.
Sometimes, I get tired listening to myself talk about him. But there's nothing I can do. Really.

When he's not there, I miss him then I tend to talk about him. Anything I do or say, it's about him. When he's there, I'd leave everything and go be with him every second possible.

Idk what the hell is wrong with me, but I think the answer's simple.
Im on a love spell for two years now.
Let's wonder together how long the love spell's gonna last, shall we?

P.S baby: I kiss your picture everynight before I go to sleep without fail. Because I miss you.

IT'S TOMORROW!

2010-06-16T08:33:00.000-07:00

Loveeeeeeeeeeeee!
You're coming backkkk!
=) Like tomorrow tomorrow onlyyyy.
YAYNESS!
I hope you'll be off from Tekong earlyearly, so I can fetch you!

Anywaysss.
Read someone's blog, and yada yada they just got together and yada yada all the sweet honeymoon period and yada yada all the happy nonsense stuffs.

PLEASE LAH.
'I trust you 100% blablabla'???
Please eh.
When I started off with Emi, he knows it and I know it that I have absolutely zero trust for him.
I told him to gain my trust for you, you've gotta earn it. Because you've gotten it all easy, you're not going to appreciate it. So when you finally get it, hopefully you'll think of how difficult it was to get it before ruining it.

I knew Emi, I was soooo in love with him for a month over. Before I know that it really is HIM that I want. Even when we got together, I still felt insecure. Like there's something missing, and prolly it's not him that I want. But he proved himself worthy of me. And I opened my heart to let him in. It's a slow process, love is supposedly a slow process.

There aint such thing as 'love at first sight'. Whatever it is that you felt is LUST or admiration for that somebody. It isnt LOVE, definitely. To love somebody, you've got to know their character, their background, their this and that. It takes some time to love, it doesnt just happen when you LOOK at someone.

You're my bestfriend, and I know you wont be reading this. But honestly, Idk if that girl's right for you. And idk if you made a rash decision. Was that lust or loneliness talking? I mean, yeah prolly she's the only girl who'd pranced on you for sooo long. But that doesnt necessarily mean she's right for you. Or that you NEED her in your life. Idk, okay. Idk. I mean, i am happy for you. Happy that you've someone now that you can rely on. But i dont like hearing 'Oh, I just broke up with her blablabla'.

I dont know how to freaking explain this lah. But what I know is, this type of relationship you're having, the last time I had it was when I was 14. I swear. The 'Okay, lets be together when Idk you, You dnt knw me either. I just think we're meant to be.' GOD.

Whatever it is, friend. I wish you the best okay? Dont take all these to the heart, if you're reading this or your gf is. I mean well, nothing personal really. Just be happy =)

Besides that, Im really glad Im with Emi for over 2 years now- the unofficial one lah. THE OFFICIAL 2 YEARS, is next month. Hahahaha =) I have no intentions to leave Shaik Mohamad Helmi or even hurt him by doing anything stupid. It's not just because I care or blablabla, I really dont want to. I am fucking proud to have him. I am proud to tell everyone I have a bf, and that person is him. Like, I dont think anyone can match up to him.

Anyways anyways, met Alif and his cousin on Friday after tuition. Then Alif was like 'Eh, nak pegi karaoke?' And i was likeee 'Serious shit kape siak? What, now???' And he goes 'Ah2 lah. Cepat ah jgn waste time!' Then seme cepat2 bangon, jalan. hhahahahaha, WTF?

Then Saturday, met Saiful and Alif. OMFG, YOU KNOW HOW LONG I FREAKING WAITED FOR SAIFUL?! 90 minutes siakkk! ONE AND A HALF HOURS! eh hello, kalau tgk bola pn lepas siak! Then chilled with him at Macs, texted Alif to come down to Tamp mart, then we lepak somemore. Then decided to play Taiti, so we proceeded to the void deck, where I won Taiti for 5 times in total. Out of 7 games. I won 4 of the wins IN A ROW.

MET MY GIRLS ON SUNDAY =))))
Lorraine was fucking hot, I LOVEEE HER BOOTS! And Sheena, stoned or not, still gorgeous. What bitches. hahahaha =) WE SHD HAVE FREAKING WENT TO ESPLANADE MAN! hahaha. tsk. Pictures are all up on FB. Sorry Lorraine, it's gonna take idk how long to upload it up here. So my laziness got the better of me, and therefore the pictures are not up here. GO ACTIVATE BACKKKK!!!!

Im left with idk how many days to study, but im not really doing a good job.
FUCK THIS SHIT SIA.
It's always bugging me like fuck.
Like, facebooking...STUDY FEZRA!
Like, sleepy...STUDY FEZRA!
Like, go out...STUDY FEZRA!
It's like freaking everywhere, and Im sooo sick and tired of pretending I understand what I read or study.

Letter to YOU.

2010-06-06T01:29:00.000-07:00

Im contented with what I have.
Because Ive goten myself what I ever wanted in my whole life.
YOU.

Dear YOU,

I miss you freaking much. I really really do. Im sooo fucking bored out of my mind, I feel like going to Tekong myself to go get you. What my friends said was true, I'd die a lonely bitch without you around. Im not missing you because Im bored. Im missing you because there's no number I can dial on the phone other than my mum's. There's no arms i can cling to. There's no saying 'OKAY bye, i've to go! ' to my friends anymore. There's no rushing just so I can spend more time with you. There's no voice that comforts me when I cry at night cos Im lovesick. There's no one I can get into a fight with. There's no one I can hang up the phone on. There's no missed call, there's no texts on my phone. There's no one who'd kill my boredom for me. There's no one who's able to waste their time with me, by just hanging out and doing nothing.

There is nothing anyone can do when I say I am freaking bored.
Cos they wont kill my boredom.
YOU DO.

You're like half of me. I cant even study without you around. Even when you're ard, you'll nag at me 'STUDY STUDY STUDY LAH B...'. Im like practically half-dead right now. Im sooo nauseous, but then again, there's no one to complain to.

I miss hearing your complaints. Ulcer lah, tired lah, sakit pinggang lah. Just name it, everything under the sun. I want you right now. Im so freaking bored, I dont even know what to say.

People say, this is the test of our relationship. Test what? Our faith, our loyalty? Just what? Im so mad, i dont need a freaking TEST. I dont want it ever. I KNOW WE'LL PASS THE STUPID TEST. two weeks is a bloody long time. BLOODY LONG.

And who knew waiting for 9.30pm every night can be such a slow process?

Love,
Fezra.

PICTURES OF RIDING! =))

2010-06-02T04:47:00.000-07:00

PICTURES OF RIDING DAYYYY! =)

ONE-DAY TRIP! =)

2010-05-28T07:16:00.006-07:00

HELLO BABIESSSSSSSS =)

Woah, fucking tiring fucking day!
Back from a one-day trip to Melaka with parents, grand-dad, sister, her bf and of course MY EMI!

Emi and Annn came to my house at 7.30am.
YES, SEVEN-THIRTY!
and i was obviously still sleeping. So mum kept waking me and sister up.
I was likeeee...WHY THE FUCK YOU ALL HAVE TO COME SOOOO EARLY?
Sighhhhhhhhhh.

So I woke up, then bathed, then got ready and we went out!
Parents and grand-dad - parents' car.
Me, Emi, sister and Annn - Sister and annn's car.
=)

At the pitstop, Emi bought me black rings! Yayyy thank you sooo much honey!
Ate and continued with our journey.
Cut the story short, we reached ard 1.30pm. WOOOO!
Emi and I played catching in the water, racing swimming (who reach faster), we all played the freaking AWESOME SLIDE!

Then me and Emi asked dad to join us, after we lost my sister and Annn, since he wants to swim2 around also. Then me and daddy race swimming also, who reach faster. HAHAHAHA! Then he laughed like damnnn loud. WTF? hahahaha. 3 of us sat ard in the water and talked for like...damn long. There was this one time, we wanted to get dad out of the water cos he couldnt get up himself. Emi was pulling his hand, and I tried pulling him as well. Then YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID?! MY DAD PULLED ME IN THE WATER ALSO!

HAHAHAHAHA. then i tried pushing him from in the water while Emi kept on pulling his hand. Well, obviously, MISSION UNSUCCESSFUL. So we got out by the steps. We found sister and Annn, and dad went back to mommy and grand-dad. Sooo, we went to the big slide!

KNNCCB! I CAN TERBALIK SIAKKKKKKK.
All four of us got on the buoy. Serious shit, what a fucking awesome ride.
Afterwhich, we played on the children's section. The small slide (tube) is so freaking scary shit also. PADAHAL KECIK JE KAY!

ANYWAYS, random much but MAMA AND PAPA, I LOVE BOTH OF YOU FUCKING MUCH and thank you sooooooo much for everything. No matter who's not going to be there for you, I always will be.

Kay end of story, because we went back home after that.
Andddanddddddddddd, I CANNOT WAIT FOR SUNDAY!
Hopefully going out with baby and TP mates! =)))

Emi is going in NS this thursday.
Idk what I feel? Excited? Scared? Sad?
I know im gonna miss him ALOT.
ALOT ALOT ALOT.
And who the hell's gonna accompany me EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY?!
Not on the phone, BUT MEET UP OKAY!
I mean, whose face can I get to see everyday?
Who's gonna tolerate all my nonsense and my lame jokes?
Who's gonna be there to hug me and hand me tissue when I cry over stupid things like Simon Cowell leaving American Idol?
Who's gonna be there for me to rant on stupid things like 'OMG, I HATE THAT ADIK2 NAK STEP MATREP. Ckp dgn die jgn mcm phm ah blablabla'?
Who's gonna be there?

WHO'S GONNA BE FUCKING THERE??????

Ohmygod, I am freaking out right now.

The First, The Last

2010-05-25T05:56:00.000-07:00

depressing day, sad eh?

2010-05-06T06:58:00.003-07:00

I feel sooooooooooooo.... fuckedup right now.
In case you're wondering, it has nothing to do with Emi.

One thing leads to another.
So now, idk what EXACTLY is making me feel fuckedup.
I just dont get ONE THING: Why can she do it, and I freaking cant???

You know, it's unfair. Ive never rebelled against you, ive always listened to you when you need a listening ear, ive always been the one lying nxt to you watching the tele when you're alone. Ive always tried my very hardest, I swear, to not make you mad. Because I love you very much. Even if it means that i'd get damn fucking frustrated, I'd still let it go and tell myself it's okay.

Like please, I havent brought this matter up for a YEAR! A FREAKING YEAR! and I thought you'd have gotten used to the idea. But no, apparently you havent. I just dont understand why I CANT DO IT. I want you to say okay, because I dont want to keep lying to you. I want you to know, I dont wish to keep hiding anymore. But how can I not lie, when all you say is NO to what I do and you can say YES to what she does. Im not trying to compare, if i wanted to, I'd have done that for a whole year now. I could've kept on pretending, but i dont want to. Because I really dont want to lie to you.

Well, on my previous post, I said I wanted to get going to bathe and then study.
I FUCKING DIDNT.
hahaha, what's new?
It wasnt my fault, really. Because once I posted that, dad knocked on both my door and my sister's and asked if we wanted to go out with them. And sooo, we all went out! Hahaha, and came bck ard 10plus.

Then the next dayyyy, I went out with my beloved mother to buy my ripped jeans. Couldnt find one, so she ended up buying me a topshop top. THANKS MUMY POKO! Though her feet hurt like hell, soooo thankyou mummyyyyyy. Love you manymany!

And then, I went home, took my favourite pair of jeans and ripped them up.
HAHAHAHA. My dad was flabbergasted, I tell you.

EMI GETTING HIS PAY TOMORROW!!
Ermmm, I want... compact powder (finish alrdy liaooo), a new pair of jeans, maybe a top, a pair of heels.... HAHAHA no lah. Just give me your love, enough already.

HAHAHAHAHA OHMYGUCCI, sooo cliche!

Okay, so NS is coming right, Shaik Md Helmi?
I promise you, I will make use the whole of my holidays studying like fuck. Because, after all, my MAIN DISTRACTION will be gone. So then, I have no excuse anymore. Im sooo fucking excited, to see what's life without you around. To call even.

Eh, hello. We gotta catch your movie, Iron Man 2 eh.

Anyways, I am supposed to be studying right now. But I was too depressed.
So, I shall get going now.
=)

Saturday's A BUSY DAY.

2010-05-02T02:47:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it gets hard, but it's not that hard to get by afterall.

Hellooo world.
I am at home today. Yes, surprisingly not meeting Emi.
Not tomorrow either, Im staying home with Mother =)

So yesterday had an 'open house', just my relatives (mum's side) and the boyfriends (sister's and mine) and their families. Brother couldnt make it, sadly, cos he was working. Soooo, i woke up at 8am ON A SATURDAY! Can you fucking believe it?! Okaylah, not that hard to believe actually. Cleaned up my fucking messy room for about 2-3 hours (HELLO, Ive cleaned my old room for about 6 hours before okay!) after helping dad cut the LALANG on my very small tak-menjadi garden. The lalangs are damnnnn tall, so cutting it bit by bit is damn tiring, given that I'd just woken up and the damn big scissors is damn heavy. So my very beloved dad think that we should just pull the lalangs out by their roots.

Which I did, and that resulted in me getting three cuts THREE CUTS on my right palm. And then, I stopped and left dad to it. He did an AWESOME job. So i helped him to arrange the shoes on the shoe rack instead and swept my front porch. Afterwhich, I went bck to my room to continue cleaning. I held two black cotton on long-sleeved shirts, had nooo idea which is mine and which is my sister's. Both XS, Both black, Both everything the same. So HOW?

I called out for her, she was screaming her head off and asked me to get my ass on the third floor. Because....there are fungi growing on the table we put on the open roof balcony. AND I SWEAR IT IS SOOOO FUCKING DISGUSTING. I think the rainy season now caused the table to contain moisture, and the moisture has thus resulted in the growth of the fungi.

Blablablaaaa....Again got my father to do the job. HAHAHA. what hopeless people we are, my sister and I. Anyways, finally done with cleaning, then my aunties and uncles arrived then I bathed and we karaoke-ed like HELL. I actually got sore throat yesterday. LOL. Around 5pm or 6pm, Emi came with Annn (sister's bf) in sister's car and Emi's parents plus aunty and uncle plus his sister in the car behind them.

Wahhhhhhhhh, they all talked non-stop. I mean, his family and my parents. But I loikeeeeeeeee =)) Anyhows, it's the 2nd time they've met one another. So now, the whole of my dad's side has seen Emi and the whole of my mum's side has seen Emi too. So kudos to you, love, for making it this far in my life! Obviously, he's the first to meet ANY of my relatives.

So nowwww, Im gonna bathe and then study. It's 6.20pm anyways.
=)
Good enough that Im actually bathing today okay!

I love you truckloads, Shaik Md Helmi!

Hello, World.

2010-04-27T02:09:00.000-07:00

ME + YOU, Imma tell you One Time.

Helloooooo.
So these are the pictures of Saturday, when we went out with Zainida. =)
I have more pictures to upload, but we shall wait till next time yeah?
=)

My sister bought a car, so now at times I have two cars at my porch.
And I saw TWO FUCKING FROGS. in my house. Kay, not exactly IN my house, but it's at the lawn area there. BLACK SIAK. geli pah?!

I have nothing better to type. Im not in the mood to blog actually.
So, till next time!
=)

More PICTURESSS =)

2010-04-21T01:59:00.000-07:00

I miss you like the deserts miss the rain
I need you like a picture needs a frame.

ENGAGEMENT! =)

Currently with Emi now, waiting for him to finish getting ready.
SLOW PORK!

Sending me off to meet my parents at Eastpoint, then he'll be off to work.
=(
I hope Saturday doesnt rain.
I wanna dress up and go on a date with Emi! =)

I cant wait for Friday, will be out with the girls aka SHEENA AND LORRAINE!

Below are some webcam pictures took some time ago, but two of them were taken just now.
EMI BELOM MANDI, AND I HAVE A VERY MASAI FACE.
BUT WE DONT CARE!
=))

PICTURESSSS!

2010-04-20T05:12:00.000-07:00

Emi's sister and nieces =)

Khairil seriously SYIOK SENDIRI.

SUMO WRESTLER OF THE YEAR!

PRESENTING TO YOU....YOUR PERFECT SUMO COUPLE!

So those were...

SOME OF THE WEBCAM PICTURES TAKEN AT NIGHT AFTER THE ENGAGEMENT.

HAHAHA. sempat..........

Anyways!

Happy 21st Monthsary, my sweetheart Love!

Im very VERY VERYYY happy being with you.

And I want to be with you forever and ever and ever, Insya allah.

Im sorry for being such a fucking bitch most of the times, and I thank you darling for standing strong by me.

For all those in love out there, may your love be blessed.

I pray the same for myself too. =)

P.s: I have more pictures to upload, but they're in Emi's laptop. I didnt even realise those pictures existed. So yeah! Stay tuned, loves!

UPDATED! =) Happy?

2010-04-17T07:59:00.000-07:00

OKAYYYYYYYYYYYY.

IM UPDATING NOWWW OKAY.

(due to AHEM the manymany requests from my loyal fans. AHAHAHAHA)

tapi without pictures lah kannnnn.

Anywayssssss.

LIFE'S BEEN GREAT!

I love my family.

I love my boyfriend.

I love my friends.

I JUST DONT LOVE MY SCHOOL.

I will, if I get straight As for A levels ok.

Promise.

Im using my mum's laptop now, that's why I have no pics to update.

Because the pics are obviously in my own laptop.

OKAY LAH IM NONSENSING NOW COS I HAVE NOTHING TO WRITE.

anyways...

Im just back from Emi's brother's engagement.

Which also means...12 solid hours of Shaik Mohamad Helmi. and his whole family.

It was superrrrrrrrrr fun.

Went to his house early to help his mum out. Then helped put on makeup for his sister, NAK STEP MAK ANDAM KATEKANNNN. Wellll....she looked pretty the whole day...WELLLL... what can i sayyyy. Hahahaha!

Then eat here eat there. Manymany aunties of his. And uncles. I likeeee his uncles, very funny people. Then Me, Aryati (his sister), Ida and Syaz (his cousin) and the rest of the cousins uncles aunties whatever lah helped carry dulang2. And off we went to Bishan to the girl's side.

At night, when we left all the job to the aunties, the whole MALE COUSIN POPULATION watched SOCCER while the girls..me, ida, syaz and arti watched MONSTER'S INC in Emi's room while playing Cheat with Poker cards. Hahahahaha.

Yes, there are pictures. But they're all with Emi and Arti. Soooo. yeah. hopefully I'll update the pictures soon.

All in all, I had a veryyy FUN time.

But Im very tired. Emi also tired.

So we're not meeting tomorrow.

ANDDDD!

Can you believe it Emi has graduated?

I was there with him since he was in Year 2 siakkk.

Anddd can you believe it Emi'll be able to take out his P-plate from his bike this 30th?

I was there with him wayyywayyyyy back when he wasnt even 18 yet.

Then there were the baru jejak 18 times...

and the register for bike prac times..

then the WAITING for him EVERY SINGLE prac he had at the driving centre.

I skipped school and went to accompany him for his TP okay! At 6am in the freaking morning!

And now, it's already coming to a year he had his TP.

Time flies by soooo fast.

You know what?

I think, I THINK..I have a feeling..

I will end up marrying Shaik Mohamad Helmi.

We've been through soooo many sucky parts but we held on so strong.

I dont want to see him go, neither does he want to see me go.

We'd fight abt everything before. Just name it, Im serious.

There were times in the past when I felt it just wasnt the same anymore.

Like he doesnt love me anymore, he doesnt miss me as much I do miss him.

Like he has let go, because he already GOT me.

But he proved me wrong, he's given me soooo much love.

Soooo much effort, which I overlooked often.

I overlooked the part where he's always there for me when I cry.

When Im mad and seeking for revenge to others who have hurt me, he'd always say 'B, come on. You know you're better than that. Let them do whatever they want, you be the better person. Okay?'

When I get angry at him and cry, he'd say sorry over and over again and he'll make it up to me.

When we meet and he knows Im still mad at him, yeah he doesnt say sorry. But he'll crack some lame jokes and he'll talk to me to cheer me up. Sometimes, I just cannot take it but to laugh. Then everything's back to normal. Then we'll have THE TALK, where we just lie down and I say 'Bee, I dont like what you did, yknow Bee. It hurts okay.' and he'll cuddle me up like a small kid and say 'I know sayang, Im really sorry. I didnt mean to hurt you. Im really sorry okay.' And he kisses me on the forehead. And then I'll interrogate him like fuck.

HAHAHAHAHA.

Then, end of story.

He knows me best.

Really.

And at times, when Im lying down with closed eyes, I'll imagine him cuddling me up. I smile, and fall asleep immediately.

I have a very precious guy here, and Im not going to let him go.And I know for sure, there's no other guys who can treat me like a fucking princess like he does.

In just a few days' time, it's my 21st month being with someone I fell in love with for the first time. And I'd love to go out for a date.

Looking forward.

2010-04-02T18:58:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's time I stop walking and START THINKING.

Maybe it's best to put everything behind and start a new life.
However impossible it may seem.

I'VE PULLED THROUGH BEFORE,
I WILL PULL THROUGH AGAIN.

if there is a change in my life, i'll tell.

THE 20TH ON THE 20TH.

2010-03-20T07:40:00.000-07:00

We've gone through sooo much together.

And I never EVER want to see us fall apart (Though I can barely imagine it happening).

From not even liking you,

to loving you right on the day we first spent together.

CHEERS....

to being fully-pledged lovers for a month plus.

to our first fight even before we got together officially.

to my first teddy bear from you - Angel.

to knowing your friends, and vice versa.

to spending more than 12 hours with you in a day.

to skipping school all the time FOR YOU.

to watching all movies mentionable with you.

to the millions of breakups I asked from you.

to the million times we kissed and madeup.

to the birthday celebrations we had.

to knowing your family, and you knowing mine.

to all the crazy moments we had.

to the scissors, paper, stone and chopstick games.

to the monopoly game (which you've gotten me addicted to).

to spending 2009's first seconds with you.

to sharing fastfood meals.

to waiting for you outside your classrooms.

to accompanying you for bike pracs.

to the sleepovers you had here.

to your lameness and mine (according to you lah kan).

and cheers to OUR 20TH ON THE 20TH.

I can cheer to a million things.

I love you so bloody much, I dont know how I'd do without you.

You've been my pillar of strength all thes while, and without you I'd just crumble.

You've always been patient with me, and You've always been nice to me.

I hope you'd forgive all the times Ive made things difficult for you.

I just want you to know, I love every moment I have with you.

To me, it's never enough.

May we go all the way, regardless of the lowest downfall we will ever experience.

Kissed and made up. =)

2010-03-17T02:53:00.000-07:00

Beautiful girls all over the world
I could be chasing but my time would be wasted
They got nothing on you baby
Nothing on you baby
They might say hi and I might say hey
But you shouldn't worry about what they say
Cos they got nothing on you baby
Nothing on you baby

Not not not nothing on you babe
Not not nothing on you
I know you feel where I'm coming from
Regardless of the things in my past that I've done
Most of really was for the hell of the fun
On the carousel so around I spun (spun)
With no directions just tryna get some (some)
Tryna chase skirts, living in the summer sun (sun)
This is how I lost more than I had ever won
And honestly I ended up with none

There's no much nonsense
It's on my conscience
I'm thinking baby I should get it out
And I don't wanna sou nd redundant
But I was wondering if there was something that you wanna know
(That you wanna know)
But never mind that we should let it go (we should let it go)
Cos we don't wanna be a t.v episode (t.v episode)
And all the bad thoughts just let them go (go, go, go)

Beautiful girls all over the world
I could be chasing but my time would be wasted
They got nothing on you baby
Nothing on you baby
They might say hi and I might say hey
But you shouldn't worry about what they say
Cos they got nothing on you baby
Nothing on you baby

Not not not nothing on you babe
Not not nothing on you
Hands down there will never be another one
I been around and I never seen another one
Look at your style they ain't really got nothing on
And you out and you ain't got nothing on
Baby you the whole package plus you pay your taxes
And you keep it real while them other stay plastic
You're my wonder women call me mr. fantastic
Stop... now think about it

I've been to london, I've been to paris
Even went out there to tokyo
Back home down in georgia to new orleans
But you always still to show (still to show)
And just like that girl you got me fro (got me fro)
Like a nintendo 64 (64)
If you never knew well now you know (know, know, know)

Beautiful girls all over the world
I could be chasing but my time would be wasted
They got nothing on you baby
Nothing on you baby
They might say hi and I might say hey
But you shouldn't worry about what they say
Cos they got nothing on you baby
Nothing on you baby

Not not not nothing on you babe
Not not nothing on you
Everywhere I go I'm always hearing your name (name, name)
And no matter where I'm at girl you make me wanna sing (sing)
Weather a bus or a plane or a car or a train
No other girls in my brain and you the one to blame

Beautiful girls all over the world
I could be chasing but my time would be wasted
They got nothing on you baby
Nothing on you baby
They might say hi and I might say hey
But you shouldn't worry about what they say
Cos they got nothing on you baby
Nothing on you baby

Something he made me listen to yesterday.
=)))
Im sorry, darling.

FUCK YOU.

2010-03-15T07:53:00.000-07:00

YOU FUCKING KANINA.
Im so fucking FUCKING PISSED RIGHT NOW.

FUCKFUCKFUCK.
WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE SAME NAME IM HEARING??!!!!!!!
WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE SAME FUCKING BITCH?
WHY IS THERE SO MANY BITCHES OF YOURS I HAVE TO FUCKING TOLERATE???!!!!

eh look eh, call me insecured all you fucking want.
Ive had to put up with stupid bitches all these 2 years.
How many of you know the existence of atleast a girl from your bf's past?
How many of you have seen their faces?
How many of you have tried not hating their faces?
How many of you have chatted with them?
How many of you have seen them face-to-face? AND MANAGED TO SMILE SINCERELY.
How many of you have actually TALKED to them with the sincerest heart?

JUST HOW MANY OF YOU CAN ACTUALLY TOLERATE ALL THAT????!!
and Im not talking about ONE.
Or TWO.
Or THREE.
Or FOUR.

If you think just KNOWING about the existence of THAT girl hurts, WHAT DO YOU THINK I FEEL?

Hey, Im wayyyyyyyyy past the insecurity shit.
It doesnt take that long for me to realise he loves me right?
BUT, WHY CANT YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND I DONT WANT HER OR ANYBODY EXISTING IN YOUR LIFE ANY LONGER!

WHY CANT YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you KNOW the guys Ive had been out with?
Have you TALKED TO THEM EVER???
Have you ever even chatted online with them?
FUCK NO.

So dont you dare try to tell me if guys can fucking comment me, them girls can do you too.
THEY WERE NEVER IN MY LIFE, AND IVE NEVER LOVED ANY OF THEM.
And here's the catch: NONE OF THEM WAS SOMEONE WHO EXISTED IN MY LIFE.

So you're saying sorry if you hurt me.
SORRY? SORRY?? Fuck your fucking sorry.
Yeah, hey it's not your fault she commented you.
BUT HEY, NO ONE ASKED YOU TO ACCEPT HER FRIEND REQUEST IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE.

JUST FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE.

Miss me much?

2010-03-08T04:32:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the lack of updates and the lack of pictures.
Truth is, I have quite a number of outdated pictures which I prolly am too lazy to post up anymore anyways.

I have been VERYVERY busy with life. I dont even have the freaking time to go check up on my facebook. That's why, if you can see, my blog AND my fb is rather DEAD already. I have hundred of email in my inbox though. NON-IMPORTANT emails, of course.

When Im not in school, Im with the boyfriend. When Im not with him, Im at my aunty's house. When Im not there, Im already at home. When Im not at home, I am either in school or with the boyfriend.

You see, MY SCHEDULE IS DAMN PACKED.

Okay, so here's a quick update:

1) The boyfriend has slept over twice at my house. YAYYY!! Those are the days my mum's like so goddamn happy. Because I wont be asking to go out.

2) I have been overseas with Emi! My first time everrrr with any guys.

3) School sucks. DUH lah kan.

4) Emi and I ate at Pastamania the other day, because he was craving badly for it. HE TREATED ME OKAY! awwwww, baby! =))

5) I think I might be depressed.

Okay, so overall, you know my love life is still very peaceful and blablabla.
I loveeeeeeeeeeee Shaik Emi so muchhhhhhhhhhhh.
God. I feel so mushy now, but what do I care?

I WANT TO CUDDLE NEXT TO YOU NOW, SILLY BOY.

2010-02-23T04:11:00.000-08:00

This is not how life's supposed to be.

Am I important?

Seriously.

Who am I?

Okay fuck this.

Secondly, fuck some friends.

Call yourself a friend, ey?

Look, IVE NEVER EVER FOUGHT WITH MY CLOSE FRIENDS EVER.

because that is soooo primary school, or childish or wtv you call it.

No matter what, Ive loved all my close friends to death - Alia, Lorraine, Sheena, Hazimah, Hamiza, Amera. We never had any fights of any sort. And I'd do anything to protect them.

BUT YOU AND YOUR ATTITUDE.

LIKE FUCK SIAK.

please ah, go change ah.

I never cared what you want to do, or what you want to bitch abt.

Im always there for you. Because I fucking care and love you.

But sometimes, Idk why the hell you cant sacrifice some things for me.

FUCK YOU.

AND YOU.

HAPPY 19TH, my love. =)

2010-02-19T08:52:00.000-08:00

I love my Shaik Mohamad Helmi veryvery much, and nothing you do or say can stop me from loving every bit of him.

He is such a patient man, tolerating all my nonsense when no one else can.
For 19 months, NINETEEN MONTHS, Ive screamed at him, hurled vulgarities, hung up on him, occasionally slapping his back when Im too mad.

But he tolerated.
Im not being a good girlfriend, but he stayed.
Because he loves me.

But I am NOT taking his love for granted. I love him with all my heart.
I care for him, I want THE BEST for him.
And no matter how I try not to care, I'll still come crawling back.

No one knows the exact definition of love. Neither do I, nor you, nor him.
But love for me, is when you can tolerate sincerely all the nonsense the other half gives you. In return, they change just FOR YOU. And still accepting for who they are, and loving them no matter what. No matter how big an argument is, you'll still care and your heart aches just to hear their voice.

Im still happily IN LOVE after 19months with Shaik Emi.
I do not regret being stupid and naive in the past, because it makes me understand love.
I do not regret meeting bastards in the past, because it makes me appreciate Emi.

Those bastards, darling, had led me to YOU.
and Im not the best girlfriend nor a good one.
and I will never be.

(saying 'No one loves you more than I do' sounds so damn cliche btw)
But all i can say is, you're the BEST i've ever gotten and I will not disappoint you.

How long will you stay?

2010-02-13T10:38:00.000-08:00

Question is: How long and How far are you gonna stay?

Sorry world, for not updating as much as I used to. Truth is, Im too fucking busy with life to update much. Not really with studies, just life. Anyways, the picture above was taken at town last Sat when we were with Zainida. =))

I stayed home today. Yesterday, gt my pay cibais! =) It was chaotic yesterday. Many things happened. Supposed to go out with Zainida to watch Valentine's Day. But I had a terrible fight with Emi, blablabla...Then Emi was interrogated shortly by CIDs, I KNOW. wth kan? Then, the keys to his bike chipped off, so he couldnt switch on his bike using the key. LUCKILY, it's GILERA. Can use electric spark to on the bike. Then we rode back to his hs, because his helmet's visor WAS GONE. Well, because he broke it.

Well, that was it. The misfortunes for the day. Quite alot, right? Knn.

But the rest of the day, WAS FABULOUS.
We made up when we reached his home. IDK HOW THE HELL. Oh, because he stopped me from going out his room, then I was like squeezing in between his body and the door. And being Fezra, I found the whole situation funny, so I laughed. DAMN.

Then we rode to Mountbatten to get my cheque. AND SHE GAVE ME CASH!
=) WAH SEHHH.

we ate at Magic Wok, our first time! It is sooooooooooo freaking nice!
I had so much fun yesterday, really.
I love you baby.

Yes, I really really love you. There are times, LIKE NOW, when I feel that Im just not good enough for you, yknow. I think you deserve so much better, someone who doesnt hurl vulgarities at you, someone who knows how to control her anger, someone who doesnt get mad at the simplest things, someone whom you can not be afraid of all the time, someone whom you have to withstand painfully.

I know you've sacrificed alot for me, I know.
But I cannot not get mad at you, because you DID make me mad. Like, the things you say sometimes. It's all wrong baby! Sometimes, what you say just isnt what I want to hear. And I feel as if you don't understand why Im mad. And you do little effort to learn from your mistakes. We've fought over the same things over and over, aren't you tired? Im tired of repeating myself to you. So why havent you learnt?

I know I said Im no longer insecured. I KNOW. I know you love me. But hey, could I have helped it if the memories came back triggering my insecurities? Could I have helped it if I felt that you could have loved someone else more than me, may it be in your past or your present?

Baby, I try not to. But I CANNOT HELP MYSELF. Because I love you, and I dont want to lose you. I want to know that IM THE ONLY ONE FOR YOU. I need you to remind me that you only love ME and nobody else. So it doesnt hurt for you to explain to me when I ask you something, instead of saying you cant remmber or you DONT KNOW. It's frustrating, yknow. How do I know that you truly dont knw, or you're just pretending you dont knw in fear of hurting me or starting another argument?

You know, I cannot imagine my life without you. I love you, but Im tired of fighting.
I know Im the one starting all the fights, but you could've put in a lil more effort. Just stop being ignorant, you're hurting me. You're a good guy, and you're the best lover, and you have the softest heart. But please, for my sake and for your sake, learn from your mistakes.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, LOVE.
I cant believe you're sleeping over tmr at my house for 2-3 days!
I'm sorry for making you mad, and Im sorry for being rude.
I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART.

SO MUCH FOR HIATUS -.-

2010-02-04T06:45:00.000-08:00

HELLOHELLO WORLDDDD =)

Okay ah, so much for HIATUS lah kan aku.
Anyways, many news to update. Okaylah, tak many but aiyah whatever lah.

So, Ive settled in.....first day, mcm nak mampos siak. TURON NAEK TANGGA with heavy boxes. I really couldnt tak it. Sampai jadi mcm Ju-On siak, naek tangga with all my four limbs.

But yeah, the house's gooodddddd. =)

As for school, i shall say that I will ot blame my teachers any longer for being *&^%^.
I shall take the blame and...yeah, study harder.
=) GOOD STUDENT KAN AKU?!

I cannot wait to go for the NTU open house with baby and his parents.
My short-term goal is to go university together with my babylove. Seriously.
Like romantic gitu kan! =)))) BUT BABY!!! I tanak go NTU liaooo. I want NUS!
Okay dah eh stopit. A levels belom lepas, da macam paham siak.

Rasul Hamid, I am not good at apologies due to my very over huge ego. But Im sorry for us being bitchy to each other for A WEEK. Hahahaha, okaylah. Tak bitchy, we just didnt talk. But still, great to have you back MOTHERFUCKAAAA!!!! But then, promise me you wont be annoying anymore. HAHAHAHAHA!

I have a SUPER LONG LIST of things to buy.
Seriously.
Plus, stupid sak the zip on my bag broke because both me and Emi like forced it to fit into his bike. But nvm, prolly tmr or tmr tmr mother is buying me the Puma backpack Ive been eyeing for the past few days. =))))

I LOVE THIS BOY LIKE...SUPERSUPER GREATLY!

and I wonder, when the hell am I gonna get sick and tired of you.

Hiatus!

2010-02-02T21:13:00.000-08:00

Hello beings!

Sorry for not blogging for soooo fucking long.

But Im just here to tell you all that Im ON HIATUS.

Busy with life, love and studies.

Will be back soon!

TOOTHFAIRY =)

2010-01-26T04:18:00.000-08:00

YES HELLO EVERYONE!
I've opened my extensions, and apparently Im loving every bit of my REAL HAIR.
=))

It is sooo fucking SOFT and SILKY, that when the wind blows, the hair goes everywhere and out of control. Okaylah, exagerrated abit but you get my drift.

So anyways, I love the way it is and I'll grow it out and then get my REAL LONG HAIR.
The last time I had a real long hair was Sec 1. It was REALLY long, it touches my butt. and it was straight. Then I went wacko, and cut it fucking short. I refuse to let it grow, because in the process of growing, I hate the sight of it and cut it.

Im growing it, so when it's finally long enough by the time Im done with school ( INSERT EXCITED SQUEAL HERE ), Im getting my hair some curls and im dying it BLONDE.

Okaylah, maybe not that blonde. But whatever, we'll see.

Today, I WATCHED TOOTHFAIRY WITH HELMI!!
Okaylah, it's good. But wasnt as great as Avatar. DUHHHH.
Before movie and after fetching Emi, we ate at Pizza Hut. WOOOOO~

Anyways, today I had no school. Thanks so much to E-Learning Day.
How I wish they substitute it with E-Learning WEEK or something. Would be MORE BENEFICIAL. hahahaha =)

OKAY! Now go enjoy the pictures.
P.S: You still look so goddammit handsome to me. I love you manymany!

Wayyyy back.

2010-01-22T21:10:00.000-08:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
This is so fucking funny.

Well anyways, GUESS WHAT?
MY MOTHER HAS A FB ACCOUNT.
yes, MY MOTHER.
hahahahahahaha.

I miss going out with Shaik Helmi. We've both been busy this whole week. But eh, still met for the whole week. WTH, this gotta stop mannnn. hahaha. Get well soon, Love. =)

Anyways.
Triple-storey terrace, here I come.

Can you believe it, this set of pictures are the VERY FIRST PICTURES we took.
WE WERE STILL LOVERS THEN.
hahahahahaha. LOL SIA.
It was almost a month after our first date/ meetup, when I fell in love with him.

See the two black bands on my hands?? It was his, which he gave it to me on our first date/ meetup. To 'pancing' me ah konon. HAHAHAH.

I like his arms around my waist.
It fits perfectly.

HAHAHAHA, we go a long way back sia bby.
I love you. Even then, hugging you/ not being your gf yet, I felt so goddamn lucky.

INSOMNIA. How?

2010-01-21T09:35:00.000-08:00

Funny shit. I like!

Anyways, life's a bit boring right now because 1stly, I have MSAs. Tmr is Geog ppr, and I staill cant sleep at 2am now. 2ndly, dear Helmi is under pain so we cant really go out.

I cant wait to get this week over and done with.
Then we can go watch TOOTH FAIRY!!!!
=)))

And btw, Shaik Mohamad Helmi is a freaking PES A!
Idk how the hell that happened. HAHAHAHA!! =))))

18th. =)

2010-01-20T03:00:00.000-08:00

It's the time of the month again.

Every moment with you is something I'd hold on to for the longest I can.
Because with you, I feel like it's a whole different world.
No school, no problems, no one else. Just me and you.

With you, I feel at ease. Nothing to hide, nothing to run from.
You annoy me most of the times. I scare you most of the times.
But, I still can stand you and you still can put up with me.
We've been long together, but it's your face I look forward to every single day.

I dont want another face to look forward to.
I dont want another hand to hold on to.
I dont want another laugh to fill the silence.
I dont want another smile to greet me.
I dont want another hug to keep me warm.
I dont want another voice to listen to.

I just dont want no other man.

So what if you're annoying?
So what if you're dramatic?
So what you cant say the right words at times?
So what you make me mad everyday?
So what I have to be your alarm clock every single day?

If I still am with you through all that for 18 months, be sure darling, I love you no matter what. And I know you love me just the same, because you've been tolerating my nonsense for all these while too.

So with that, I hope we'll still be as happy as we are now, just like we were 18 months ago.
Cheers to manymany more months together!

HAPPY 18TH MONTHSARY, SILLY.

Sister =)

2010-01-17T06:32:00.000-08:00

FEZRA AND FIFI <3>

Shaik emi <333 YES, MY HANDSOME ONE.
But, seriously. Very URGH handsome.

My face after CHEESE FRIES. =))

His almost ALMOST botak side. =) I like!
I like ridiculous hairstyles.

Annn, Sister's boyfie! =)

YEAH, I KNOW.
Pictures finally kan!

So anywayssss, went out with the three of them to Bugis to find Mama's bday Charles and Keith bag (which is unfortunately OOS!!!). Went out like...almost 6pm? Yeah, then vroooommmmmm all the way to ION at 8plus. Blablabla...then went home lor!!

=)

Yesterday was a greatttt fabulous day also!
Planned to go Ah Boy's shop to buy visor for MY helmet, skaliii....ZAINI CALLED! So we three went out ard 6pm, eastpointed for Banquet! Then obviously, we got my visor. YAYYY!!! FINALLY, I have my own HELMET TO CALL MINE! All these while, Ive been using Helmi's. Yesterday, had manymany great laughs. hahahaha =) Oh, then we somehow ended up in Thomson Road. Lol, Emi ah ni! Want to topup minyak lahhhh, ni lah tu lah. So we searched everywhere for the bloody oil station.

I am very EXCITED FOR SOMETHING!
Will tell you all when the time comes.
And HAPPY ADVANCED BIRTHDAY, MY LOVELY BEAUTIFUL MOTHER!
I love you manymanymany!!!
May you be happy this year round.
And I hope I'll make you even more happier by the time your next birthday comes round!
AND ALSO, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BOTH OF YOU!!!!
Wah, almost 30 years tgther?
=)

Note to self: I am soooo screwed for CHEM MSA tomorrow.
Eh, someone kill me now.
YAH, NOW.

You the fucking best.

2010-01-14T04:14:00.000-08:00

I KNEW IT.

hellohello world.
Ive not been taking pictures with Helmi lately.
Nvm, when I go out with him during the weekends, hopefully Ive gt the mood to camwhore okay.

Anyways, my depression/ stress frm last night have been better. Because I met Emi today and told him everything, and he hugged me.
=)

Im sorry if Ive said anything to hurt you.
Ive NEVER EVER SAID you're the worst boyfriend, neither did i EVER say anyone's better than you.
You're better than the BEST I could ever get.
Regardless of how you lack initiative or how you don't always get the right words out.
I just want you to know that.

And special thanks to Izzati, for the moral support and the temaning aku for the sound check.
and Rasul, for forcing me to join and giving me moral support and for believing me wholly when I told you I broke down and ran away for the auds.
and my MRC friends, Nadia, Yati, Firqin and Jannah who supported me.
=) Really, thank you all kay.

Talking about Rasul and Izzati, I didnt meet them the WHOLE freaking day in school tdy.
mcm WOW kan, I know.
That's a first.

Mixed emotions.

2010-01-13T05:03:00.000-08:00

I have a lot of emotions washing over me right now.
Like really ALOT.

Firstly, Im happy because I had a good enjoyable day with Love, Zaini and Ida.
Love and Zaini went to MY SCHOOL (hahaha) and watched me perform, then we went to fetch Ida, then we went Kallang, then we went Bugis to eat at Tong Seng (the service is damn efficient).
And obviously, I had manymany great laughs with them three.
So, thank you all for tolerating my whining when I was hungry and 'dah nak pengsan ni'.
And thank you for the moral support and all, Love.

Secondly, Im tired because I had a freaking long day today. I woke up almost late, then missed the bus and got late for school, then attended a GP lecture, then I skipped the rest of the lectures for MCS booth. Slacked the whole day, but still tired because I had TWO nervous breakdowns in 2 hours.
So yeah. Then somemore go out with the SUPER FUCKING HEAVY bag. I ended up dumping half the stuffs into Emi's bike.
Then walk here walk there, wait for Zaini and Helmi ahhhh, like want to cry sia!!
Nk pegi mane, discuss for hours. Nk makan mane, discuss for hours also.
Therefore, I AM FUCKING TIRED.
But, I STILL HAPPY eh about the day!

Thirdly, Ive gotten some bad news from my parents.
And Idk what to feel about it.
???
Sad? Happy? Excited? Depressed?
I really dont know.

Fourthly, Im feeling damn confused about myself because one moment I had all the MOTIVATION IN THE WORLD to freaking study. Then another moment, I'd procrastinate because Ive lost all the motivation that had been geared up.

Really ah. I feel like crying now. but it's so stupid because an hour ago I wanted to blog about happy stuffs because I was damnnn happy.

Plus, Im too tired to cry.

Scrambler, pleaseeeee.

2010-01-10T08:32:00.000-08:00

EMI DAH TUKA MOTOR!

hahahahahahaha, no lah. It's Zaini's bike.
Eh eh eh, BUT HOT KAN MATAER AKU BWK SCRAMBLER!
Fuck lah dey, I wanted him to get a scrambler.
But oh well.
=)

Town-ed today! Yesyes, with babylove.
and this guyyyy ah. ADE JE TAU NK COMMENT BAJU AKU!
He said my dress looks like a wedding dress.
Teros tkde mood siak nak amek gmbr! hahahaha, cb kau. Went town for what? BUY SCHOOL BAG AHHH! Hahaha, kental mak lodeh, i know.

Then met up with Zainida in the evening and lepak-ed for awhile.
And whe I got home, mama was like 'Kate beli bende?'
THEN LIKE BODO, I left my bag (yang sebesar-besar dunia) with Helmi.
Like how can I forget such a BIG thing kan????

Mum asked me to iron my uniform myself.
Because Im already 18.
Hello Mother, you just realised is it???
Ohhh, ni part I 18 ALREADY. Part curfew, 'You 18? SO?'
hahahahahaha. wtf ma. WTF.
P.S: I do iron all my clothes okay. My parents just love to iron my uniform.

And sister good mood today. Then she asked me to duet with her.
Then she take video.
Then I think she wants to upload it.
Then at midnight, we battled with a small cicak.
Eh mcm cb sak tu cicak! I hentak2 with the spray can, still tak mati.
Fyi, the tail and kaki putos alrdy okay! GOT BLOOD SOME MORE.
Then the clever sister asked me to smash it with a HUGE dictionary.
And I did, only that the dictionary went the wrong way and somehow the cicak got into one of the pages.

How miserable can killing a cicak be?

EH I FUCKING EXCITED SIA TMR SCHOOL.
when I havent even done my homework.

YOU.

2010-01-09T13:07:00.000-08:00

Not because I have to but because I want to. I love you because you were there. Because you talked to me. Because you understood me. I love you because you cared about me. Because you trusted me. Because you let me in. I love you because I know you wont ever hurt me. I love you because you are everything Ive ever wanted. I love you because you fell in love with me despite the age gap. I love you because you have been through so much. I love you because you are strong despite the walls you build around yourself. I love you because I know you. I know how breakable you are. I know what you are afraid of. I know what you went through. Im not going to break you, ever. I gave up so much just so I could hear your heart beat. I gave up so much just so I could feel your lips against mine, your hands entwined in mine. I gave up a year for you. I gave up tons of great opportunities so I didnt have to leave you. I couldnt live without you. Its so cliche to say that but I gave up so much for you. You dont understand how much you mean to me.. No one understands how much you mean to me. You are my life, my world, my everything.

I love you and thank you so much for loving me…

ONE. For me. =)

2010-01-08T06:42:00.000-08:00

PLEASE TAKE NOTE: My mother is not taller than my dad. She's just standing one step higher.
And my sister is not taller than me, she's wearing WEDGES.

From Left to Right: Cousin, Sis-in-law, Me, My sister.

From left to right: Cousin Kak Aisyah, Sis-in-law, Me, Sister, Mama Long (the eldest aunty).

So those are the pictures from Brother's camera.
I have thousands more from sister's camera yet to upload.

Anyways, YAY! Ive got my paycheck.
Not much, BUT STILL! Money dokkk.
Andandddd, Ive got the schedule/script from them. Cehh, small role. But still! MONEY WHATTT. Of all shows Ive acted, I only miss one.

Hanyut.
I miss the boys (matrep or not) who joked ard alot with me, I miss the crew who always gave me ciggs though I was very much underaged, my 'sister' in the story whom I can talk to. We were one big family. And I miss them.

Tapi tak perlu gitu kan dulu rambot aku MOHAWK.

hahahahaha, what the...I KNOW.
BUT COOL KANNNN!!

and I turned my hair into a mohawk on the eve of Hari Raya. Can you imagine how mad my mother was? HAHAHAHA! She told me to wear jeans the next day for Raya.

Anyways, I think I miss school.
Okaylah, not school SCHOOL. But prolly I feel excited to wear the uniform with new shoes and bag! hahahahaha, mcm primary school siak NEW SHOES NEW BAG. haha, WHATEVER AH my business ah!

I found some kental photos in my hotmail.
When I was in sec 2...till sec 3. KENTAL SIAKKK.
hahahaha, seriously. How can anyone not GAG just by looking at me then sia?
CB.

The other day, I commented my cousin on FB.

Me: Hi awak. Nak number boleh?
Him: Hi balik awak,boleh tap criteria 170cm and above ^_^v

PERANGAI PIG SIAK DEKNI.

If you're wondering, things with Love are obviously good...
as in...Yeah, we're good. Honeymoon period has long gone, but Im still very much in love with him.

I still laugh the way I only can around him, the type which I cant stop.
I still look at him from afar when he buys food for me, and still think what a handsome chap he is and how lucky I am to end up with him.
I still get childish around him, I still make ugly faces. The types which make you want to smack my face real bad.
I still think about US whenever Im alone watching some soppy movie.

I love Helmi. And I do know he loves me. How much, I dont care.
Because as long as I know I still can depend on him as my bestest best friend,
And as long as I know I'll be there to catch him when falls,
it's really enough.
I feel thankful for his existence in my life.

When Im making stupid decisions, he's ALWAYS there to knock some sense.
When Im breaking down, he's ALWAYS there to back me up and get me on my feet again.
When Im losing grip of my life, he's ALWAYS there to catch it and hold it tight for me.

I do feel sometimes, Im not good enough. Because he clearly deserves someone better.
But no, he ALWAYS makes me feel like I am the only princess in the whole wide universe whom no one can compare to.

I dont care if there are others who think he shouldn't be with me.
I really don't.
Because I chose to be in his life, and he chose to be in my life.
18 MONTHS AGO, and there's nothing you can do about it.

IM BACKKKKK =)

2010-01-06T08:17:00.000-08:00

Nahhh, no pictures yet.

Helloooo world =)
Yes, Im bck last night from KL.

I miss miss miss SHAIK MD HELMI soo much right now, I wanna cry.
Tapi like BELO kan, baru tdi jumpe. So, I WONT CRY.
I dont care, Im gonna spend my whole day tmr just lazing around with him.

So manymany things are coming up.
Im getting panicky about school, because I havent done a single SHIT. MSAs are on next friday, what the fuck. Then there's open house...ONLY EMI, RASUL AND IZZATI KNOWS what Im talking about. Then next week, there'll be shooting for Projek Cerpen. Idk small role or big role. Whatever lah, money whatttt. =))

And the stupid fuck still hasn't given me my paycheck!
KNNCCB!!
Im soooo not coming on Friday, i dont care.
And I feel like caboting once I get my pay, but Helmi says that's BASTARD RABAK.
But I mean, what can I do?
Okay fine, I can tell her Im quitting.
BUT WHAT IF she asks me to get a replacement? Who the fuck wants my job siaaaa?!
Okay, anyone interested, PLEASEEE tell me kay.

Apart from all these, I bought some new things.
I bought a pair of lace tights, and my dearest Helmi says I look like a pornstar wearing that.
WHAT THE FUCK. But okay lah, I take that as a compliment eh k b!

Eh, Im having like a panic attack now sia.
WHYYYY???!!!

Happy New Year!

2009-12-30T05:23:00.000-08:00

Im back from a whole day of Shaik Mohamad Helmi.
Someone bought a new handphone siaaaa.
Now, I jealous. and I feel like buying a new handphone.
FUCK YOU BEE!
But yeah, as a WONDERFUL GF, Im soooo happy for you.
That you got to change your KARAT handphone. Nice. =)

Anyways, 2009's coming to an end. And this shall be my last 2009 post, because I'll be off to KL tomorrow. Which means, I'll not be in Singapore on new year's eve, New Year, the day after new year and the day after and the day after and the day after.

Which also means, 6 days of life without Helmi.
WAHHHHPIANG. But nevermind nevermind, his time to suffer.
BUT I DOUBT SO. That he'll suffer like I did.

Whatever it is, I just want to say...2009 has been a VERY GOOD FABULOUS YEAR. I did sooo manymanyMANY things that Ive never done before, which I get to do only ONCE (atleast before I get married). And I never regret taking those risks I took (of which the consequences are a heavy price to pay), because I wouldnt have had fun if I just played safe enough in life.

Yeah, a friend once said 'What's life without risks?'

Had so much memories throughout this year, eh fuck lah. I REALLY ENJOYED this year sia.
But, I have to thank Emi. For all the fun I had. Because OBVIOUSLY, he's been there throughout the whole year of fun. He was there whenever I took my risks.

The last New Year, the first face I saw at midnight was his....all the way till 4plus in the morning.
He was the beginning of my New Year.
I wouldnt get to do that again, this New Year.
SEE WHAT I MEAN? 2010's gonna be a bad year. I can tell already.

and I'll miss (I already am!) the sheesha/riding session at 1am, then tonning at Sengkang, then crash back at his place till the next day.
and the Hari Raye outing with TP mates, all 20plusplusplus of them.
This year holds the first ever time I went raye-ing/bazaar Geylang with a bike. Saved it for someone special, and yeah. There he was.
Oh yeah, and the times I accompanied Emi for his bike pracs. Omg, the 90 minute wait and the redbull. The time he took his TP, accompanied him from 6am. I skipped school for that, hell yeah! And got caught few days later. HAHAHAHA!

However, 2009's always gonna be the year Grandma died.
ALWAYS.
I miss her so much, I'd do anything..ANYTHING to give a her a hug and a kiss.
I miss her MORE, muchmuch more, than I miss anyone else in the whole wide universe. Yeah, that includes Emi.
But, I think, her prayer was answered. And though im happy to see my family happy, Im sad she couldnt see all these.

2009 means alot.
Every moment of it.

2010 RESOLUTIONS (mcm paham, of course)

1. Less bitching, be nicer.
2. GROW MY HAIR. Stop using fake ones. (but my hair just wouldnt grow!)
3. BE a good daughter, sister, girlfriend and friend. (idk hw, bt just be good.)
4. Im trying to think, but all I can think of is STUDIES. Which I WANT to put it at the last.
5. Start saving up to buy new jeans and NOT high heels. (cos obviously, im nt made for heels)
6. Pay back my Puasa thing.
7. ........
8. ..........
9. .................
10. Okay dah, STUDY HARD AND SCORE FOR As!

This is so stupid.
Ive never had any resolutions, but it worked the last time I did it. Which was for this year.

1) I hope studies would be muchmuch better this year, and that i'd quit hating school alrdy.
2) I HOPE i wont skip school as much as i did, as tempting as it is. I'll try not to.
3) I hope love and me will spend the year together and have fun! and i knw for sure, with him ard, nothing will ever go wrong and i'll enjoy every second of the times spent with him.
4) I just hope I'll make beloved mama and papa proud. That's my main resolution for this yr.

Okay ah. Except for the FIRST one. It didnt come true at all, NOT EVEN CLOSE.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!
=)

AVATAR!! <3

2009-12-29T05:42:00.000-08:00

When Life's getting a little blur, just STOP and BREATHE.

AVATAR 3D WAS THE FUCKING SHIT, YAWWW!
=))
It's PERFECT, for me lah. Like everything mixed together. Romance, comedy, action, drama, blablabla...you get my drift ah.

Seriously, I give it 10/10. NO WONDER it took 15 years and $400 million! (atleast that's what I heard)
I am sooooo going to rewatch it online. I somehow cant get enough of it. AND THANKS LOVE, for asking me to watch the trailer. Cos I wasnt interested initially, cos it's...AVATAR. avatar sia! Idk, sounds like...NOT my kinda movie.

BUT IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME.
Didnt regret wasting my 10bucks. =)

Met up with Love's parents after the show.
Plan was to buy him a new handphone. But SOMEONE just cannot decide.
So, it's gonna be tomorrow then. =)

I need to be more focused on studies ah, seriously. I fucked up last year already, I wouldnt want to do the same mistake next year, THE MOST IMPORTANT YEAR OF MY LIFE.
I cant believe Im taking As in 11 mnths' time, I feel so old.
Then sooner or later, insya allah, I'll end up in Uni.

WHAT THE FUCK.
If I really end up in Uni, with the course of MY CHOICE, it'd be a dream come true sia.
Actually, I do all these because I want it. Not because my parents want it.
I didnt want to go to a poly. Not because my parents didnt allow it.
I REALLY WANT TO DO THIS SHIT.
and if i fuck up, I'd be disappointing MYSELF the most.

All in all, if I end up where I want to end up, my parents will be the HAPPIEST PARENTS IN THE WHOLE UNIVERSE.
and that's all I ever want.

EH DAH KAY.
Pictures.

SHAIK MOHAMAD HELMI IS THE SEX!

2009-12-25T04:47:00.000-08:00

I HAD THE MOST AWESOME SHIT TIME WITH EMI!

When all we did was, CHILL AROUND.
=))

We decided to meet, and chill by the beach.
Suddenly, I decided we should just chill around somewhere near but unfamiliar to both of us.
Provided the place gives us a niceee scenery.

AND WE FOUND THE PLACE!
It's super nice, I wish I stayed there.
We ate, we drank, we played catching, we camwhored and we played some guessing game.

It was a random, short meetup. Nevertheless, I had sooo sooooo much FUN with Love.

But Im telling you, I still feel worn out from all those catching.
FUCK YOU LAH BEE! hahaha =)

I love you I love you I love you.
I dont know how NOT to love you.

Im not angsty. Really!

2009-12-24T06:03:00.000-08:00

You're at the beginning and the end of every chapter.

Hellohello lovesss =)

Back from Karaoke session with my Love, Min, Nana and Maisarah.
=)

Well anyways.
People just dont get enough, do they?
Nothing is ever enough, nothing is ever the best. Humans ALWAYS want more.
MORE, BETTER, and whatever that goes on the same line.
Why is there little satisfaction of what we're given or what we have?
When is it ever ENOUGH?

P.S: It has nothing to do with my life, it's just a random thought.

Plus, i read some blogs and of course, their HATE TAGS. One thing, just stop STOP using God's name. I mean, come on lah taggers, you claim the blogger isn't acting like a Muslim blablabla. And you think you are? For all we know, you do the same shits or WORSE. So stop acting like a MACAM PAHAM.

And blogger, dont even dare to debate back that the tagger himself isn't one by being KPO. I mean, fuck. Look at yourself. And what's all these 'Quran' terklua?? PLEASE LAH OKAY.

So taggers, mind your own business because seriously, you can keep the comments to yourself like I DO. No matter how much I freaking LOATHE the person. It just shows how freaking pathetic you are. And bloggers, STOP trying to argue your way through when people claim you're slutty. Your pictures show it all.

I think today's my Grandma's 40th day.
Seriously, if she was still alive, I think she'd be happy.
Happy to see her kids and grandkids so close together. No doubt, I miss her truly.

And to YOU girl, please don't say I didnt try to meetup with you. HECK, you didnt even fucking reply. Too busy with the other people, i guess? Hahaha. Ive always known, you and me JUST DONT BELONG TOGETHER. =)

I AM NOT ANGSTY TODAY.
I dont know why my post sounds so fucking damn angry.
IM NOT OKAY.
Maybe I just have nothing better to say.

I NEED TO FREAKING START STUDYING.
I will, tonight.
Hopefully ah.

And babylove.
I dont regret ANY decisions pertaining to you.
Because you are YOU, and YOU make me wery wery HAPPY (that ACCENT, you know i know).

Same old, same old. =))

2009-12-23T05:42:00.000-08:00

I miss my handsome boy, how?

Baru pegi Langkawi 3.5 days, dying alrdy. Cry here, cry there like loser.
Go NS HOW? you tell me, HOWWW??! Die alrdy ah. CB.

My bed arrived yest. YAY. So now, im left with buying accesories for the room, to make it the PERFECT DREAM ROOM.

Plus, I have to clear out the manymany NOTES, PAPERS AND OTHER SHITS on my table. Got to do something abt it man.

Went out for lunch with EmiLove, ate the Black Pepper Chicken AGAIN with Helmi. Then we both left for work at 1.30pm. Tdy's work was somewhat relaxing and surprisingly SHORT, cos Rasul and I had the WHOLE PLACE to ourselves. Since Emi was working, I bused down to Tamp and met up with my cousin and like, 8 of his friends. LOL.

Chilled around with them, and went home when I had to. They're good company, that lot.
=)

I bathed ALL my teddies yesterday with my sister-in-law.
YES!! They are all clean and white now, I can cuddle up in my queen-sized lower deck bed with ALL of them.

I love Shaik Mohamad Helmi.
Because he doesnt get angry when I disturb him with my hair while he's asleep.
Going to hear his bad singing tomorrow.
So bye, people!

100 Truths.

2009-12-21T06:36:00.000-08:00

WHAT WAS YOUR
1. Last beverage: Pepsi
2. Last phone call: Beloved
3. Last text message: Saiful
4. Last song you listened to: Never Knew I Needed- Neyo
5. Last time you cried: Last night

HAVE YOU EVER
6. Dated someone twice: Yes
7. Been cheated on: Yes
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: YES
9. Lost someone special: YESYESYES. yes. =(
10. Been depressed: No
11. Been drunk and threw up: ENEVER

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS
12. Black
13. Red
14. IDK.

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU (2009)
15. Made a new friend: Yes
16. Fallen out of love: NO
17. Laughed until you cried: YES =)
18. Met someone who changed you: Obviously. No, i met him in 2008.
19. Found out who your true friends were: OH, YES.
20. Found out someone was talking about you: haha, yes.
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: Yes
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: Many.
23. How many kids do you want: FOUR =)
24. Do you have any pets: She died
25. Do you want to change your name: NEVER
26. What did you do for your last birthday: Got LEGALISED.
27. What time did you wake up today: 1pm
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: msn, facebook, blog
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: MONEY
30. Last time you saw your Mother: 15 mins ago
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Just maybe the money part.
32. What are you listening to right now : Silence
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: No
34. What's getting on your nerves right now: No one.
35. Most visited webpage: FB, and my blog.
36. Whats your real name: Fezra Nabilah Fadzil
37. Nicknames: Fez, Fezra, Abi, Bi, Abby, Baby, Nabilah.
38. Relationship Status: HAPPILY ATTACHED!
39. Zodiac sign: Virgo
40. Male or female?: Female
41. Primary School?: Gongshang
42. Secondary School?: Tanjong Katong Girls'.
43. High school/college?: St Andrew's JC.
44. Hair colour: The DARKEST shade of brown.
45. Long or short: Fake or Real? hahaha.
46. Height: 149. SHUTUP.
47. Do you have a crush on someone?: NO
48: What do you like about yourself?: Everything
49. Piercings: 2 on each ear. Every other piercings have closed.
50. Tattoos: No
51. Righty or lefty: Righty

FIRSTS
52. First surgery: Never had one
53. First piercing: Baby =)
54. First best friend: Farah Ilyani and Siti Aisyah
55. First sport you joined: Basketball, believe it or not.
56. First vacation: No idea.
58. First pair of trainers: No idea.

RIGHT NOW
59. Eating: No
60. Drinking: No
61. I'm about to: do nothing
62. Listening to: Nothing
63. Waiting for: HELMI TO COME HOME.

YOUR FUTURE
64. Want kids?: YESSS =)
65. Get Married?: OBVIOUSLY.
66. Career?: Accountant. Yeah, prolly.

WHICH IS BETTER
67. Lips or eyes: Eyes.
68. Hugs or kisses: Hugs.
69. Shorter or taller: Taller.
70. Older or Younger: Older.
71. Romantic or spontaneous: Spontaneous.
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: Nice arms.
73. Sensitive or loud: Must have a BALANCE.
74. Hook-up or relationship: Both will do.
75. Trouble maker or hesitant: Trouble maker.

HAVE YOU EVER
76. Kissed a stranger: Yes. hahaha =)
77. Drank hard liquor: No
78. Lost glasses/contacts: No
79. Sex on first date: No
80. Broken someone's heart: Yes
82. Been arrested: No
83. Turned someone down: Yes
84. Cried when someone died: YES =(
85. Fallen for a friend?: ...No?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself: YES
87. Miracles: No
88. Love at first sight: YES
89. Heaven: Yes
90. Santa Claus: No
91. Kiss on the first date: No, It's just plain sleazy.
92. Angels: Yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: Haha, yes.
95. Did you sing today?: Yes.
96. Ever cheated on somebody?: Yes, Guilty as charged.
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: Nowhere.
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be?: The day I fell in love.
99. Afraid of falling in love?: YES, BUT I DID.
100. Posting this as 100 truths?: Yes
101. Have you missed somebody?: YES. =)

I'll not be SINGLE tomorrow. =)

2009-12-21T04:54:00.000-08:00

Im just missing the boyfriend today.
And Liyana, if you're reading this, YES aku nangis lagik. Lagik RABAK than smlm btw. HAHAHA KENTAL.

I only slept at 6am. Although I was damn sleepy.
Pfft.
So anyways, went out with Saiful. But didnt go karaoke. hahaha!
Followed him to Kovan to get his paycheck. Kau tanak tu 300, kau bagi aku pn bagos ah, ful!
Then we had dinner at KFC. Die pnye pandai, he bought the Black Pepper chicken. PEDAS TO THE MAX EH! So imagine, both of us tak tahan pedas. LOL. Pandai kan cousin aku! Then met and lepaked with two of his girlfriends, Mira and Ikin. They're so damn nice! And we clicked right away =)

Thanks eh, ful. Layankan aku bile aku lonely bastard kat Singapore.
YAY aku tak sabar nk tunggu kau beli scrambler. Make sure eh aku the first girl yg naek!

Ive got TWO great FREAKING (note: I didnt use 'FUCKING') news!!!
Okay firstly, MY deardeardearrr Shaik Mohamad Helmi is COMING HOME TMR!!
Serious shit, I think this is how my life's gonna be if he goes to NS. BUTBUTBUT! If he goes NS, Saiful also go NS. Then no one can layan me. THEN I DIE LAH SIA!

Okay, sidetrack giler babs.
Secondly, MY NEW BED IS COMING TMR!!!!
The new washing machine+dryer arrived this afternoon alrdy. Tmr will be the new bed and two tvs, one for sister and the other for brother.

I WANT TV ALSO!
But nvm, slowly but surely huh? Then sister wants to give me the computer, so guess I wont really be using my laptop while im at home anymore. I have a BIG L-SHAPED table, Rasul have seen it! Besar kan table aku, no wonder sia aku masok JC. hahahaha! Must plan out already, where I want to put the computer lah...where I want to place the manymany pictures on my wall,since nw I'll be having a double decker.

Mum might buy me a digi cam, but I want a TV more badly than a camera.
=(

I think Im blabbering too much.
Sorry, I dont have a listening ear for 3 days already.

SHEESHAAAA!!

2009-12-20T09:36:00.000-08:00

HELLO BITCHESSSS!!! =)

Had a sheesha session with the Trios: Rasul, Izzati and Mimi.
It's a picture GALORE. So have fun, and enjoy the pictures!
=)))

The GIRLS' TRIBUTE to SOMEONE.

The GUYS' TRIBUTE to SOMEONE.

TRIBUTE TO THE TETEK GIRL!!! =)

HELL YEAH, alot of pictures. More more pictures on FB.
Well, I had much fun and camwhoring with my KAKI GEREKS.
Thank you my lovesss for spending the day with me! Serious shit sak, if krg takde, aku rase aku dah emoshit srg2 kt rumah. Nangis smpi BANJIR ah SINGAPORE!
Tomorrow is day out with Saiful, he's bringing me to Henderson Wave.
Actual plan was Karaoke-ing, bt then everyone's having Monday Blues tmr.

Im trying so hard to find things to do, to occupy myself with.
No, not because Im bored. If I was, I can just stay in bed doing nothing.
I just dont want to miss you more than I already do. And it's killing me.

I dont want to miss you, I dont want to cry. Because it's so fucking cliche.
But I cant help but to wish you were here.

So I can just lie down in your arms and talk softly about things.
So I can just touch your lips and watch you sleep.
So I can call you late at night when I cant go to sleep.
So I can disturb your face with my hair while you're sound asleep.
So I can listen to your voice on the phone whenever Im missing you.
So I can make unplanned meetups with you.
So I can lean on to you while waiting for the traffic light to turn green.
So I can laugh with you, and hold your hand on the streets.
So I can enjoy the day, the hours, the seconds with you.
So I can fight with you at midnight over trivial matters, then kiss and make up.

I will block my mind off you, until you come back.
I MEAN IT.
I HATE YOU NOW.

P.S: I hate Liyana now, because Faheem is back from China or Beijing or wtv. And she can now ENJOY her days, while I have to suffer. CB AH KAU.

Okay FUL! BSK HENDERSON WAVE KAPA?!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAZIMAH!!

2009-12-19T19:46:00.000-08:00

BABYGIRLLLLLLLLL!!!
HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY, NORHAZIMAH HANAFI! =))

okay ah, aku tau ah dedicating a post for you is SO NOT original psl kau dah buat untok aku that time. EH tapi not my fault kan my birthday is before yours EVERYTIME. hahahaha!!! okayokay, next year aku original siket lah kay. Tapi aku nk dedicate kan post ni for you pn psl aku nk type bnyk sgt bende, mcm retarded kan lau aku kasi kau comment panjang2 kt fb.

So anyways, aku dah kenal kau like....7 YEARS sial!!!! Fucking lamer or what?!
You were ALWAYS there for me, especially during the primary sch days. Mane aku pegi, kau ade. Mane kau pegi, aku ade. Mcm irritating sak kte, lau aku pk balek. HAHAHA. Aku maseh igt, aku pehhhh benciiiiiiiiiii pt kau in Pri 5.....hahahahaha!! Then cukop time, BEST FRIENDS! APE SAKKKKK.

Then comes in the sec sch days, when Ive not been there alot for you. The only times I saw you were when we wanted to go jalan raye. ONLY THE BOTH OF US, plus Amera! HAHAHAHA. Cool kan kte, i knowwww. Tp time kte Sec 2, legend sia. Aku maseh igt, kte pegi due org je jln raye. THEN AKU PAKAI TUDONG. hahahahahahhaa!!!!! WTF sia. Kau ah ni! Dare aku, ape siak. Beh pakai tudong, isap rokok. Eh, sec 2 ke sec 3 ni????? Aku rase sec 2 ah. KE SEC 3???!

okay, aku dah confused rabak.

Plus, kte pi rumah cikgu Saripah, beh die pk aku dah pkai tudong. HAHAHAHA. mepek sak kte. Then kau igt, time sec 1 kte jln raye dgn Najat. HAHAHAHA, beh high heels die terstuck. kekek lah siak. Smpi terdudok2 sak kte ketawekan. Kay ah, boleh tahan kurang ajar gitu kte.

Point is, darling. Although we see each other once in a blue moon, I'll always remmber those moments because such moments are so damn precious ad FUNNY. Dgn kau, nothing is serious kan. And ive read your blog. Kau kate kau de konflik dalaman. EH TAK SIA2 AKU AMEK MALAY LIT SIAAAA! You're one great woman, Norhazimah Hanafi. I know life's not easy for you, but you've always breezed through the storms and tornados and typhoons. And everybody loves NORHAZIMAH HANAFI, really everyone. Because she is patient, kind, lovable, sugar, spice and everything nice.

Kalau tak, canne kau leh jadi Best Friend aku kan bodo?!

No matter what, I'll ALWAYS ALWAYS be here for you. Anytime kau need a shoulder to cry on, just call me, fb me, tag my blog whatever. Kau nk meet aku right there and then pn boleh. Just remmber, you are strong and I LOVE YOU FOR THAT.

Once again, HAPPY BEING LEGAL SAYANG!
Legal for what, aku pn tktau ah kan.

You'll always be my pri sch BESTFRIEND. No one can take that away from you, girl.
=)

P.S EH: Kau kate nk jumpe?! BILEEEEE????

HAPPY 17TH MONTH ANNIVERSARY, my sweetcakes!

It's so weird that today's a special day to me and you, yet you're not here. I love you with all my soul, because you've given me LOVE and HAPPINESS and EVERYTHING that no other man has ever given me.

Im sorry for all the harsh words, I really am. I dont mean any of them, I just want you to feel the hurt/anger I was feeling.

I cried, missing you last night.
So I need you to come back real quick. I shall close my eyes and count to ten.

I dont dont love you, Angel darling.
<3

Longlong Post, huh?

2009-12-17T06:12:00.000-08:00

HELLOHELLOOOO WORLD! =))

Ive had TWO PERFECT days in a row.
=))

Yesterday was pit day with Shaik Emi and TP mates, and I had lotslotsandlots of funnnn! Especially the last part, where some of us went inside the tent and sang manymany songs like no one's business. Hahahaha!

And when I got home, I actually had the mood to study. And I opened my math book alrdy, trying my best to figure out the mysteries of fucking INTEGRATION. Then my mother ah! We got into a conversation, many topics inclusive. It went onnnn and onnnnn and onnnnnn for 4 bloody hours sia! Talked, laughed all the way until 1am when she finally fell asleep while I was storying 2012 to her. Where can like that sia ma? I TALKING SIA!

And there was this part where she changed the channel, then I saw The Moment Of Truth was ongoing. Then I was like 'Eh ma! Got TMOT!' and she said 'YEAH, I KNOW. I purposely skipped this channel since just now so you cant watch'. So I said 'EH YOU MEAN AH MA! You veryvery mean girl. Dont want talk to you alrdy.' Then she laughed and tried talking at the same time. Then I said 'Dah ah ma, shutup ah. MEAN!'

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Yeah, i tell my mother almost everything. I tell her abt my day, vice versa. We bitch around tgther. She's like...my 2nd bestfriend. We'll lie down and talk about anything under the sun.

Well anyways! Today I went to my grandfather's house with my most beloved cousin!! Promised to meetup like...at 12pm. And by 11am, I was still struggling to wakeup, special thanks to BABYLOVE for being otp with me all the way till 6.20am. So anyways, I thought I was late. At 12pm, the boy JUST WOKE UP. wtf! and when he said he was going out, he was still in the house. And I reached Tamp mart, he wasnt there. I mean, his block is RIGHT NEXT to Tamp mart, how long can he take right? I called, he said he was in the lift. He arrived like....15mins later. ASS.

Slacked around alot with him after A ZILLION YEARS. Yeah, literally.
Then we left ard 6.30pm, and he blanja-ed me Macs! Thanks, ful! After dinner, we walked back home from Tamp Interchange together with his friends.

Fucking great TWO DAYS ah!
Eh, and I love you lah cousin. BODO.

On a sadder note,
Tomorrow's my last day with bby, then he'll be leaving for Langkawi on Sat.
=( This is very sad indeed.

Plus, I had the freaking mood to study a while ago.
Idk where the determination has gone to, and when the sleepiness has taken over.

On a brighter note (MUCHMUCH BRIGHTER),
IM GETTING MY DOUBLE DECKER BED-WITH A SOFA BED UNDERNEATH soon!!!!
I am oh-so freaking excited.

This is MENDAK to the max.

2009-12-14T06:37:00.000-08:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
what the shit.
Okay, I admit I have nothing better to do. Oh well.

Spent the day slacking with Love, watched One Two Many...and The Love Guru.
Last night, both of us re-watched What Happened In Las Vegas. Hahahaha! I still rememberrrr what happened the last time we watched that show horrr!

Well, anyways. Actually, I have no plans tmr. Planned (take note of the PAST tense) to study at home and not meet that stupidboy after MORE THAN A WEEK of everyday-meetup. But then, he called. And asked me to accompany him tmr, to go see his dad. And then pay his roadtax. SEBOK AH LU MAT! hahahaha.

And then there's wednesday!!!
Im skipping work on wed...for BBQ PIT!!! yayness =)
Firstly, Im sooo sorry Rasul Hamid for ditching you. Secondly, I cant bloody wait for the pit and i dont even know why!

Ive alrdy have plans for the days when Im going to be a lonely bitch in Singapore, when Emi leaves for Langkawi. Okay, so here goes nothing....

Saturday
I'll go to work in the morning, prolly go eat breakfast with Rasul or something, then go home to nothing. Then I'll study for the rest of the day, after I've gotten some beauty sleep.

Yeah, that's it.
I know, pathetic kan? Oh well.

Sunday
This is a SUPER exciting dayyyy! Going sheesha with my HOMIESSSS! aka Rasul, Izzati and Mimi. Hopefully, we'll camwhore like there's no tomorrow. Thank god they'll be there for me in Emi's absence. Think I'll cry to death home alone or something.

Oh, dont be mistaken. Im quite an independent woman, I'll live. Im just saying all those crying shits and stuff....It's like REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY, yknow. So I wont actually cry when it happens. Okay, we'll see lah hor how it goes. Then I give you a report on it.

I havent thought of plans for Monday and Tuesday, I think I'll hook myself up with my mat cousin or something. Nahhhh, he's no mat lah. I NEED TO FREAKING STUDY MAN. Okay, random giler, i know.

Somehow, Im excited for KL. Becauseeee...JENGJENGJENG.
I'll be staying at a SUITE people! JYEAH!
Okay, idk what else.
Later, people. =))

I've got what I want.

2009-12-13T04:47:00.000-08:00

THE BOY IS SAD, because he thinks he's unphotogenic for the day.
HAHAHAHA!

I read my old blog this morning. The posts whereby I was still single and roaming around, then there's this part when Ive met Emi and fell in love with him.

6 months more, and we'll be together for 2 years then. And so, he'll be my longest. Yeah, it wasnt easy, it still isnt. Trust me, with Shaik Emi it's not easy.

But we've got through shits, and I KNOW Im the only woman in his life right now and he's always been my Number One.

I left my ex, no not because of any third parties. Not because we fought or anything of that sort. I left him because I wanted to be in love. I cared, I loved him- BUT Ive never been crazy in love with him. And so, I left and I told myself- no matter how long it takes, the next person Im gonna get attached to will be someone I WANT, someone I'll be so head over heels with for a veryvery long time, someone I'd never thought I'd get, someone who'd be my LAST.

And so, for every guy who came along after the breakup, I told them they had to wait for 2 years.
HAHAHAHA. Some freaked out, idk why. It's not that long, right? 2 years?
Emi appeared in my life in the process, and i told him 2 years too. He said he was willing to wait.

But I said YES, when he asked me to be his simply because I KNOW Ive gotten what Ive always wanted my whole life. He fits the bill in every way, and Ive fallen in love for the first time in my whole 17 years of living (then).

Eversince then, HE'S THE BEST I COULD EVER HAVE.
and the best part is, Im still very much in love and head over heels with him.

Thumbs up to those who've found their Loved One!
=)

You're so CHEESY,dyou even realise?

2009-12-12T06:17:00.000-08:00

The shirt, the bag, the pants, the watch.

And smelling of the perfume.

Babylove and JENGJENG!

Yeah, My boyfriend is the world's cat lover. Im the world's 2nd cat lover.
And when we are older, and hopefully married to each other, we'll start kidnapping manymany little kittens. Half of them'll be like this colour or white, because he likes it. Another half of them will be BLACK kittens, because I adore black kitties THE MOST.

So yeah, in other words, I'll be Mama Cat. He'll be Papa Cat. Dah, end of story.

We talked on the phone till 4am last night- there were the serious moments, emotional ones, the non-stop laughters moment. Then comes his SWEET NOTHINGS. -.-

But then again, Im not saying I dont like hearing his sweet nothings. =)))

Imagine having to sleep at 4am, and wake up after 3 hours. FOR WORK.
But yeah, work was only for 2 hours. Then I came home, cooked maggi for myself and sleep at 1.30pm.
I did all that while he was fast asleep.

AND HE WOKE UP AT 4PM. wth? So he woke me up, and we both got ready and he fetched me at 5.30pm. We had no plans, NO FREAKING PLANS. and I wore heels for a NO-PLANS day. In the end, we went City Plaza to eat at Arnold's!!!!

YAY! =) Been quite sometime I ate there. The last time was a year ago with my family, together with Alia love.

So, I had a very fulfilling dinner this evening.
and I want to go karaoke badly.
Love is leaving soon for Langkawi, and when he gets back, I'll be leaving for KL a week later.

Just a reminder to myself, Next year will be HELL YEAR for me.
Because...
a) I'll be having the big As - which means less time for Love.
b) Emi'll end poly and start NS - which means EVEN lesser time together.

It might even be ZERO time together.
How how HOWWWW???!!!!

Why you so OBSESSED WITH ME?

2009-12-11T07:25:00.000-08:00

For the way you changed my plans
For being the perfect distraction
For the way you took the idea that i have
Of everything that i wanted to have
And made me see there was something missing

For the ending of my first begin
And for the rare and unexpected friend
For the way you're something that I never choose
But at the same time something I don't wanna lose
And never be without ever again

You're the best thing I never knew I needed
So when you were here I had no idea
You're the best thing I never knew I needed
So now it's so clear I need you here always

My accidental happily (ever after oh oh oh)
The way you smile and how you comfort me (with your laughter)
I must admit you were not part of my book
But now if you it up and take a look
You're the beginning and the end of every chapter

Hellohello world =)))

Yesterday was so goddamn AWESOME!

Spent the day with babylove, of course. Fetched him from school, had his last term test paper. UNFAIR! Now that he's done studying, I have to start studying. So anyways, surprised him with his birthday presents!!

Sorry Love, it was abit late. But shipping takes time. =)

Got him a bag, the one I got with Rasul and Izzati. THANK YOU LOVES for everything! Got him a Dolce&Gabbana long-sleeved shirt as well, and 212 Men perfume- on behalf of his mum and sister. =)

HAPPY, ASSHOLE???!!

and he's got the cheeks to ask: 'Then, my pants? kasot tkde?' HAHAHA, fuck you lah.

After the presents ceremony, we headed down to ECP for my CHICKENSSS! YES! Ive been craving for them since last Friday. wahhhhhh, thanks sunshine for getting me my CHICKENS! and we sat thr for almost 2 hours, just listening to songs from my Zen. We were dancing and singing out loud, maybe a lil too loud bt I dont really care because I was really having much fun.

Dedicated million songs to each other.

Me: Nah, for you. * Why you so obsessed with me? Boy i wanna know...*
Emi: YOUR HEAD lah, YOU yang obsessed with me bodo.
Me: EH, where got bodo, you tu obsessed.
Emi: Who's the one, run away then come back? HAR? Da ludah, what? Jilat balek?
Me: (Laughing like hell already) Fuck sia you, who's the one har crying at night, insomnia all...'B, i cannot sleep thinking abt....' HAHAHA. YOU obsessed with ME stupidboy!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Im glad, that even after 18 months of meeting almost everyday, we still have manymany things to talk about. We never had NOTHING to talk about. I know what he does everyday, so does he.

But we just talk freaking ALOT.

Yeah, we all need ONE.

2009-12-09T05:52:00.000-08:00

We all need one
We all need somebody to hold us down
We all need somebody to ride or die
We all 
we all need, 
we all need one
Somebody that's gonna keep it real with you
Put up wit your shit and deal wit you
We all 
we all need, 
we all need one



YOU SEE, SHAIK MOHAMAD HELMI SMK.
I really cannot get rid of you, no matter how hard I try to.

Because you NEVER give up.
That makes you one irritating man.
But it's okay, because Im not giving up either.

I want you far away.

2009-12-08T05:20:00.000-08:00

Mmmm whatcha say,
Mmm that you only meant well?
Well of course you did

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHAIK EMI.

What're friends for?

2009-12-06T07:03:00.000-08:00

Hello. This is Arvindh.

Met Arvindh at 4pm. Slacked, talked and laughed.
He's a good company, and he's a good friend.
=)
Will be going out with Sheena and him tomorrow.
More camwhoring moments with my bitch! =))

Met this boy (below) after slack session with Arvindh at the Esplanade.
The day somehow isnt perfect without him.

Sometimes you don’t want to know the truth, you may think you do, but once you know, you’d give just about anything to go back to being ignorant.

right smack on the face.

2009-12-05T06:12:00.001-08:00

I feel like Im falling and falling, and there's nobody there to catch me.

It's Time.

bored to the max

2009-12-03T09:15:00.000-08:00

I am so freaking bored, Im too lazy to even watch videos.
Plus Im sleepy, but Im refusing to go to sleep for no reason.

Spent my day with grandpa loveeee and cousin and aunties!
=)))

Tomorrow is NO-CELLPHONE-DURING-WORK/ I-CANT-TALK-NOR-DRINK-DURING-WORK day. Nvm, my Amaan will be there.

I shall take a cigarette now to kill myself faster.
Okay bye.

family love =)

2009-12-02T05:13:00.000-08:00

My Brother and Sis-In-Law.

Brother's Wedding =)

My super pretty Sis-In-Law =))

The Three Ladies in the house. (before brother got married lah)

In KL, with my paternal grandmother =))

When her hair dye went all WRONG. hahahahaha!

The two boyfriends in the family. =)

BLOODY SHORT right my whole family???? HAHAHAHA!

I think this was my SINGLE WOMAN period. haha =)

One of the VERY RARE pictures of her smiling to the camera. =(

Honestly, I do miss my grandmother a LOT. I was folding clothes last night and the thought of her just popped into the mind. I miss her, I really do. I think, I dont knw...part of me still thinks that she's here physically. That Im still gonna see her, and that just makes me sadder. To know that Im still hoping for a turn back of time. I dont know what's sadder, telling myself that she's gone or looking at my grandfather trying to survive on his own without the love of his life.

I love my family, come what may. I love my mother, no matter how difficult she is. I understand why she does things that she did, giving both me and my sister curfews and all. Frankly speaking, if she wasn't as strict as she is now, I can tell you both of us are gonna be haywire sluts.

I'll be like some cheap bitch, partying every night away. I wont give shit about life, in other words, Im just gonna be fucking SPOILT. Im not even disturbed by the fact that I have to home much earlier than others, because I dont care anymore. Because I have matured, I have grown to understand why she did what she did.

My sister has changed alot, eversince grandma died. And Im very happy to see her change, hopefully she'll stay that way forever. I am so proud of her, and maybe it's time for me to change also. It shames me to just stand by and watch her change passively, I should follow her footsteps. But yeah, slowly but surely. Well, like the saying goes... Everything happens for a reason, and Ive always believed in that.

I have gone through too many things in my past. Things which very little people know about, well let's just say only Emi knows everything. I am the way I am now, learnt from the mistakes in the past. I dont stay out at night, but I know what goes on out there. Ive been through times with matreps with tattoos all over (fyi, not only the body hor. Got CHIN also. WTF RIGHT?), Ive spent time with uneducated human beings (literally) and those whose lives are in shatters, I had my time of lepaking at pondoks, I'd have enough of skipping schools since sec 1, Ive had my share of heartbreaks, I waited 5 years for an ex whom Ive known since I was 12 (he's 4 years older) because I couldnt move on (and he's an utter jerk), Ive had manymany bfs of those I dont knw where they came from and then they're gone and I dont even know their real names.

I know what it's like to be naive and stupid.
Because I was that. and those are the reasons why Im not anymore.
Ive had my fair share of monkey love puppy love, whatever you call it.
That's why I know what Emi is to me, that's how I know he's so worthy to hold on to.
Yeah, I agree the OLD him was like the jerks I used to know.

Im not proud of what I did, there were sooo many other nasty ones. Only God and Emi knows.
Neither am I saying I regret any of those moments.

Because Everything happens for a reason.
And What doesnt kill you, only makes you STRONGER.

I know, I sidetracked alot. But like I said, I dont express myself well enough for you to understand truly how I feel. I zigzag my way through. I dont know what exactly is my point, telling you all these shits about my past. Maybe I just have no point.

Ive just came home from work, and dinner with my dearest one after he fetched me from work at 7plus.

Im starting to feel WTF, because I cant eat/ drink. I cant take calls from my cell. I cant talk to Rasul. I cant be later than 10mins before the actual time. I cant this, I cant that. WHAT THE FUCK right?

Seriously, Im used to working for myself aka, tutoring.
I am my own boss, then.

DONT LAUGH.

2009-12-01T00:16:00.000-08:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
After much PRACTICE, perseverance and determination.

GOOD JOB, LOVE!

Sundays with Shaik Emi

2009-11-30T04:30:00.000-08:00

SUNDAYS WITH SHAIK EMI =)

He's waving his hands frantically cos I just FARTED. And guess how good it smells.

Might spend the day tomorrow with Grandpa. =)

P.S RASUL: YOU'VE BEEN PUNK'D.

PICTURESSS!

2009-11-29T06:15:00.000-08:00

THE BIRTHDAY BOYS

THE BOYS

SADLY, i dont have the pictures of us 5 pretty girls. =(

Anyways, I slept for 17 hours straightjack.
I know. WHAT THE FUCK, right?

Again, I reallyyyy reallyyyyyyy cannot bloody wait for Emi's birthday to come.
I have manymanymany surprises for you, and I hope you'll be happy.
GET EXCITED NOW, BITCH.

And, holidays have FINALLY come. But I need to get my ass on studying.
I know. What the fuck again, right?

Im broke, and I dont know how to spend my December hols now.
=( WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

AWESOMEEEE =)

2009-11-25T06:54:00.000-08:00

Hello world =))

It's almost 11pm now, and ive just came bck home. Yes, freaking tired. But I dnt mind because today was damnnnnnnnnn AWESOME SHITS!

Well, had school. Okay, that part was boring DUH cos I came school for nothing. Obviously didnt go for math and chem lecture, but malay lit was CANCELLED. Mcm biase jugak. So I went home earlier than expected, and got ready for work!

Work was okayyyy...but Rasul made it FUN. Though we had to sit and mark pprs for 4 hours lah kan. I got cross-eyed aka KERO after that. It was worse than watching 2012. Atleast 2012 was 157 minutes. I had to mark and sit for 240 minutes. WHAT THE FUCK.

I am so sick and tired of sitting down.

Baby fetched me from work at 7pm, and off we went to Lagoon at East Coast! We met up with the rest, to celebrate the FARIDs birthdays. Yes, there were 2 Farids. By the time we went in to search for seats, it was 8pm alrdy. Wahpianggggg, nk carik tmpt dudokkkkk.....susah or what!

By the time we sat and ordered food, it was almost 9pm. The oyster omelette was YUCK. No one wanted to eat the slimy+raw oysters, so we just ate the omelette. Afterwards, all 22 of us went back to Ehub for bowling. By then it was almost 10.30pm, so baby sent me home SWEET home.

=))
Pictures will be uploaded when I get it from Syara.

I HAD FUCKING FUN TODAY.
Thank you Rasul, for the 1st half of the day.
Thank you babylove, for the 2nd half of the day.

But then, I have school in 8 hours.
FUCK.

HELMI, READ.

2009-11-23T04:15:00.000-08:00

Get excited for your birthday baby.
Many surprises waiting for you =)

Sweetest Sin =)

2009-11-20T04:10:00.000-08:00

This fucking boy here fucks my day EVERYDAY with anything he can find to annoy the hell out of me.
But apparently, HE'S also the one who makes it the most wonderful one in the end.

For example today.

We were arguing in a nice polite debate at Macdonalds, about who sacrifices more for the other.
Emi: Blablabla...( giving his usual excuses )
Me: Shutup lah, stop giving me fucking excuses. ( Still in a nice manner. Learn from me how to say vulgarities in a non-vulgar manner)
Emi: Im not giving you excuses.
Me: Everything that's coming out from your mulot is freaking bullshit excuses.
Emi: Bullshit2 pn mulot ni jugak yg you cium. ( With an irritated dramatic face )

AND I FREAKING BURST OUT LAUGHING OUT LOUD.
and he laughed.
and i laughed.
and he laughed.

and that's the end of the argument. FULLSTOP.
you see?! How to fight with him face-to-face.
Annoying sia. Idk what's so funny though. Do you? I guess not.

We met for an hour only, afterwhich I left for an interview (THANKS RASUL!) ...and Emi went back to school for his project presentation. We met again at 7pm. And we played this game, where we picked random days from the first day we met till now, what we wore on particular days.

And it was soooo goddamn funny.

I swear, today was one of the fabulous days with Emi.
Actually, to think again and to read back my past posts, almost all the days with Emi are fabulous.

So FUCK YOU BABY!
hahahahaha. okay random giler i know.
OKAY BYE LOVE YOU BASTARD!
HAPPY 16TH MONTH ANNIVERSARYYYYY!!!

16 months. =)

2009-11-19T01:32:00.000-08:00

Hello world.

Ive stopped crying since Sunday night. Emi had been alot of help to me, we chilled by the beach at East Coast park and he let me talk all the way. Whatever that I wanted to talk about. Visited Nenek's grave on Monday, I still didnt cry. Up till when we were about to leave her grave. And the feeling came back.

I dont know how to describe the feeling, it's just damn heart-wrenching. The thought of leaving her AGAIN. But I blinked back the tears, and prayed for her.

Still didnt cry that night. Then I finally cried while talking to Izzati and Rasul the next day. And that was the end of it. I didnt cry some more.

Went to watch 2012 with my Love, it was damnnnnn AWESOME! But then, my butt hurts. Thanks to the 157 minutes show. BUT, worth it! I fell sick that night, apparently.

I think it was unfinished business with gastric flu I had last week. Yes, I suffered from gastric flu while trying to cope with Grandma's critical condition and all. WTF, worst week of my life sia last week. You really wouldnt want to get gastic flu. Firstly, it hurts WORSE than your WORST menses cramps. You'd actually prefer dying. Secondly, the medicines for gastric flu are the WORST medicines everrrrrr. You'd prefer dying also.

So yes, fever now. Still. Pfft.
On a lighter noteee, Ive got TWO DAYS MC bitches!
Be jealous.

I know I have been a weak shit this past week, what's with the gastric flu, nenek and now fever. And you've been there for me though you're busy and worried with your major project. I want you to know I love you very much, and Im sorry for troubling you all the time. When I think of how we're alrdy tgther for a year and a half, Im surprised myself.

Im betting you'd be my longest, however unexpected our relationship was. OHMYFUCK, tomorrow's 20th? Okay, I swear it just crossed my bloody mind like seconds ago.
TOMORROW'S OUR 16TH OFFICIAL MONTH!
whatthefuckkkk.
HAHAHA, i doubt you'll read this post when you get home later. So hopefully you'll forget that it's our 16th, then I'll get a chance to sulk at you! YAY!

Anyways Love, Im glad things turned out this way. Im glad you came into my life unexpectedly and made me love you. Okay lah, you didnt do anything much. I just had to stare at you and I fell in love alrdy. Pfft. We've had our ups and downs, and honestly, Ive tried to leave you countless times. And Im truly sorry about that, you know I'd always come back. I'd always act like nothing's happened the previous night when I call you the next day.

I cant bring myself to let you wake up on your own. I cant bring myself to let you remind yourself on this on that. I cant bring myself to not hear your voice. I cant bring myself to leave you just like that when I know how much you love me and how I need you in my life.

I just cant. I need to be there with you, so I'll know you'll be alright.
You're the first guy I fell in love with, and I still am in love with you.
And I hope you'll be the last, like the saying goes...'Save the BEST for the LAST.'

HAPPY 16TH MONSARY, sweetest love.

Grandma =(

2009-11-15T22:06:00.000-08:00

It's like..I feel so dramatic. But I really cant help it.
The whole thing feels surreal, yknw. Like, it cant be happening.
I cry and cry, then stops to think 'WHAT THE FUCK?' for one minute, then cry harder.

Last Thursday, as in the week before this, my family went to her house and brought my grandparents food to eat and all. Then I was sitting in front of her, happily eating cempedaks. And my dad, as usual, irritating. Disturbed me and all. Then I complained to my grandma and my mum. Grandma laughed.

Then we unfolded old time stories, which I absolutely LOVEEEE to hear endlessly. and even with a stomachache, she story with penuh semangat! hahahaha =)

Last Saturday, I woke up too early in the morning and was playing fb when mother came into my room and asked me out to go eat with grandparents. Initially felt damnnn reluctant, i badly wanted to watch Emi's soccer match. But idk why I gt the feeling it might be the last, I went.

I ran around, with her on the wheelchair. Kena scolded by mother as per normal, and nenek complained mabok, as per normal also. The last picture in my previous post was taken on that Saturday.

This recent past Monday, got news she got admitted into hospital.

This recent past Tuesday, I went to visit her with parents. We had heck of a laugh over the nyonya in front of her cos she was screaming and all. And I played with her fingers. We laughed some more cos dad made some stupid joke.

Suddenly yesterday yesterday, I was told that she was in critical condition.
And all hopes were lost and I was prepared to let her go.

But then, she pulled through an operation yesterday miraculously when her chances of living were less than 10%.
And I told my mum 'She is one strong woman.'
So, I gained back all the hopes and I knew it wasnt time just yet.

I went out with Emi later that afternoon and at 7pm, mum called and asked me if I'd want to follow her to the hospital. She's in critical condition again, and I dismissed it. I freaking DISMISSED IT, thinking that she'd pull through again tonight like last night so I told my mum I wont be following.

IT WAS THE WORST THING I'D REGRET FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

I got home, and called mum to know how's she. She didnt pick up. Called dad, he didnt pick up. Called mum again, she acidentally picked it up without realising. I heard like commotion, people citing prayers and all. I hung up and started panicking around the house. I called brother, and told him I want to go there, he said stay at home and he'll come home. I called dad again, and he said the worst possible thing 'Nenek dah takde'.

I was alone at home, feeling hopeless, feeling regret wash all over me.
I wailed, I cried, I broke down, I sat on the floor crying.

It was just exactly a WEEK ago I had breakfast with her and push her around on a wheelchair.
SHE WAS PERFECTLY FINE.

breaking down.

2009-11-13T07:09:00.000-08:00

Im losing my grandma soon.
Tonight, tomorrow.. idk.
I never thought this would happen in a million years.

She tied my hair before i went to school.
She made me Nestum when I was too happy running around the house.
She accompanied me outside the toilet when I was bathing cos I was scared.
She would wait for me at the door when I come home from school.
She'd get my meals ready before I left for school.
She lay down on her bed watching me karaoke.

She did so many things for me, I cant say thank you enough.
All day long, Ive kept my tears.
and now, Im breaking down. Alone.
I miss my grandma so much already.

what is love?

2009-11-10T22:29:00.000-08:00

And she said.....

' I want to kiss Jim constantly. I want to make him breakfast in bed. I want to hold hands with him and take long walks in the park on sunny Sunday afternoons. I want to buy him clothes. I want to kill dragons for him and rescue him from the clutches of anyone who wants to do him harm. I want to tell anyone who will listen: ''See this wonderful, intelligent, handsome bloke by my side? This is my boyfriend, Jim.'' '

I feel you, girl.

And he said.....

' If you're asking me if I'm glad you're not moving to London the answer's yes. Of course I am, because it would have made life difficult for us. But if you're asking me if I'm happy that you didn't get the job then, no. I'm not. I was sure you'd get it. And I wanted that for you. I wanted you to be happy because that's what being in love is supposed to be about. And if you'd got the job I would have tried my best to be happy for you even if it had torn me up inside. And do you know why? Because making you happy is what I'm supposed to do. It's my job. And if you're not happy I can't be happy either. '

I absolutely LOVEEEE this book by Mike Gayle. Jim somewhat fits Emi perfectly, and Alison somehow fits me perfectly. And their relationship, somehow or rather, feels familiar to me.

more than you can imagine.

2009-11-08T06:28:00.000-08:00

A perfect date with Shaik Mohamad Helmi today.
And Im VERYVERY happy!
=)

You're more than a boyfriend, you're my BESTEST best friend.
It just feels wrong to hide things from you, like bestfriends.
It just feels wrong to hate you, like lovers.

I love you, handsome.
And NOTHING or NO ONE can change that fact.

On a lighter note, I couldnt take wearing my high heels. So i changed out into slippers, which I brought along. HAHAHAHA! i know i very the kental jubs, but SHUTUP.

Try wearing my high heels, then you'd KNOW how it feels like.

Pictures!

2009-11-07T06:03:00.000-08:00

This is Saturday...
I had breakfast with Mum and Grandparents while Babylove had soccer match.
I had fun with 3 of my MOST BELOVED PEOPLE, and Baby's team WON 5-3 against the other team.

and we had our FIRST ever Coffee Bean date.
How wonderful can this day get?

butterflies in stomach

2009-11-05T08:52:00.000-08:00

I love you even when Im mad.
I love you even when you only wake up to my 80th call.
I love you even when I ask myself why the fuck Im with you.
I love you even when I sit alone in the bus and start daydreaming.
I love you even when I get boycrazy in other guys' presence.
I love you even when you sleep with your mouth wide open.
I love you even when I start PMS-ing and feel hatred towrds the world.
I love you even when you had to leave me alone to spend time with friends.
I love you even when you sleep almost all the time.
I love you even when you're fatter than the first time I saw you.

No one said Loving is easy.
Im still learning, learning how to give you all the love that you deserve.

P.S: I half died not seeing you for 2 days. This further explains why I think I'll die when you go NS.

Another thing, Love.
You looked very very handsome, while sleeping just now.

WonderLove =)

2009-11-01T07:09:00.000-08:00

SUNDAY = STARBUCKS <3

My baby's SUMPAH-STEP-CUTE face. hahahaha!

Doodling...doodlingggg...

CHECK OUT MY NEW SHOESSSSS! <3333

HIS ART WORK. fucking ugly.

MY ART WORK. better than his.

HIS ART WORK. trying to match up to my art skills.

Emi : Fezra when BERKEDUT.....

Emi: Fezra when GEMOKKK!

Well, we went to Plaza Sing today to collect my fabulous new shoes! as seen above lah kan. They're such a pretty pair. =)

After that, we just chilled at Starbucks all the way for almost 2 hours. First, we played this I.Q test shit using the book Emi brought along. Then we doodled on the ppr. He wrote his name on my hand, and i wrote mine on his. =) Camwhored like ALOT, as you can see. ( Sorry for boring you )

All in all, Ive been meeting you everyday for a week now. And I still get very much excited and happy to see you. =) I love you baby. AND I LOVE MY SHOES! Thanks baby, very much, for sending me to PS to get my shoes. and for the fabulato wonderlato day out today!

Emi: B! Shit ah, I need to...eye..see..
Fez: WATCH...
Emi: AH YES! Watch. I need to watch my diet now ah b!
Fez: (We've had millions of this convo) Aiyaaaa...No need lah sayang.
Emi: I fat alrdy sia! Ah shit ah.
Fez: No lah baby, you not fat. You boncit only. Thr's a diff you knw, boncit and gemok.
Emi: Boncit, gemok...ALL THE SAME LAHHHH. (Bebel abt how fat he is all the way) You dah lah say I badan BAPAK2.
Fez: But baby! That's what I loveee about you okay? You have like, you knw. This MANLY FIGURE.
Emi: SHUTUP ah. I know ah Im fat.
Fez: It's supposed to be a COMPLIMENT btwwww.
Emi: Shutup ah. I depressed alrdy you say like that.
Fez: HAHAHAHA. Babyyyy...
Emi: Shutup ah.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!